People at school and at my house both trien to lock my mind in its cage/
One of these days ill lash out mentally with a killer instint and a lot of rage /
Ill kill all these fuckers and kill there familys with an chopping axe/
I said," ok you mother fuckin bitches you betta watch yo back "
These fagets and lesbians are getting on my fuckin nervse!/
Like being at a mental hospital and the old people are perves/
They tell my I need to go to college get a job and ill do just fine/
Im like " What the fuckin hell bitch are you deaf or blind?"/
I said Im not going to do this fuckin college thang /
ID rather kill , get bitches , Fuck people up , and slang /
Then I heard the phone rang "Hello this Mr.Ryan?"
"No you fuckin bitch!"How am I im fine !
Hey fuckin lez why you callin my house ?
Thien to brose Tryin to sell me a blouse ?
I dont wont shit so dont call back , infact you can lick my sack/
So she called back "Hello Mr.Ryan" I said "Dont call unless you have a nice rack"
Then I hung up she called back again Look say what you got say thats what amend
ment numeral 1 said " The freedom of speach You can even say give me head.
So she said it youve been accepted to our college sir
This was the end I said " Bitch this is sum......mer!./
I hung up and I started getting pissed at that fuckin bitch/
So I went to my computer and chilled cause I dont give a shits/


Was that any better than the other one???

You need to leave 3 names or 3 links of peoples you left feedback in or this will get deleted..

But this was alright...watch the line length on some of the lines though they were kinda long and some were kinda short but it was still pretty good....your flow was ok, you need to add some multies and internals to help that out though...but overall this was alright...keep at it and keep dropping.

This kinda reminded me of a eminem influnced flow here his(slim shady) of course.
it was pretty basic
not much vocab....its a silly peice to me some lines had me laughing
as far as skill level i wont judge you on this post alone cuz i havent seen any other work from you.
the flow was a bit choppy at the end and towards the begining.
i didnt really felt it it's not my taste but it was good
you get a 4.5/10
next time you post i'll read it.

Peace.....
1.............