Your so far away
i without the you cannot see
i left without the words good bye
All i see is you in every picture unpainted
Now the time is movin slow its not great
the missing of you is tough i fall and break


No nuthin will make this go away
here without you no open doors to go through
Eventhough this might be the last i take
the best i did makes me not yet a men
Yet so far your close in many ways

To many days left for us to face to face
i whisper the words the wind does take
this dream is not real yet so fake
the days have come i miss you still//

I miss You--RHYMES

This piece was alright, i liked the first couple of lines, towards the end you started switching words around, sometoimes that works but it made the piece sort of confusing, and you changed rhymes schemes, that messed up the flow
but i do like the message here
keep elevatin
keep writin

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~.:Soft Focus:.~
{--Deacon (\_/~\_/) Content --}
{-Calisto (\_/~\_/) .:Lady Sage:.-}
{--Filed (\_/~\_/) Domain 9--}
{-Thrust (\_/~\_/) Know1 (\_/~\_/) Emotion-}
{ --Rule (\_/~\_/) Mental God--}
Poetry
Don't Look Into My Eyes Forgotten
Understanding Once Again
"It requires wisdom to understand wisdom:
the music is nothing if the audience is deaf."

good peice, i think oyu cold elavate in some areas....not that you have to...but it was like you held back from som things that you wanted to say...no what i mena...but all in all this was agreat drop, a lot of emotion...i just felt you still kept some things inside that should have been said to make this remarkable above what it is...na'mean pz homie

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Open Mics
The Weathers Art
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=108673
My Teenage Eyes
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...threadid=104850
Secluded
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...851#post1148851
Open Your Eyes
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...461#post1157461

I agree wit rule, it did seem like u held back on some things. Had madd emotion comin out of it and it was heartfelt. I kno wut its like to miss someone a lot. Overall great read. Structure and scheme coulda used a lil work, seein u used a scheme then ya didnt. Much respect. not hatin

t'was good.
I really appreciated the uncapitalized i's... good technical aspect there.
some punctuation would've been nice but I'd like to assume it was left out for a reason.
'men' should be 'man'
other than that good job.
.peace.

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I'm a goblin hooked on rails, stuck drinking ale/ I'll rip the horn out a unicorn and shove it up your fairy tale.

Like Philo, I noticed the uncapitalized i's also... and indeed, it gave the piece a humble feeling. Like no fancy schmancy here, just simple emotion.
The word usage was unusual, but for me, it worked.. I liked it.
Nice write Rhymes.

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