check..

I've hit a new low, and the fatal blow enlightened me,
and frightened me so much, I'm honestly writing these..
Hoping that with each tear I'm choking back today,
my subconcious will flood itself, and slowly wash away..
The dam is overflowing, with overpowering feelings,
to make me pray that staying alive stays appealing..
But I'm slowly losing faith with each breath I take,
I'm playing poker with myself, my entire life at stake..
And I'm pretty sure I'm bluffing, but yet I'm still afraid,
that this will be the last game I ever want to play..
I'm betting on a bad hand, but my cheeks are flushed,
to the point that touch is now too much of a rush..
My spine is tingling, my nerves are on the edge,
as my entire existance flashes inside my head..
I've read of other people, who feel about the same,
but their endings all begin with them going insane..
Brain power is low, and my core is slowly melting,
and the pain inflicted inside of me is only helping..
Me see the wrong side of the line I'm walking on,
but each time I try to explain, I'm talking wrong..
It's a life long struggle, but really how long is it,
absorbing the impact, but waiting for stronger hits..
The longer this goes on, means the longer I will suffer,
so metallic suppliments will become my last supper..
The barrel is the tunnel, the light must be the spark,
and when trigger pulls my mouth is full, but empty is my heart..

This is the best thing i've seen on this site yet...

a bit depressive but still pure quality...
feelin the expression, and the way you put out wot you feel, plus the imagery is sick...

nyce to read summit with a little thought put into it...

i remember the name from back in the day... good 2 see your still writin'..

peace

This was good in rhyme scheme and line length but problem is the imagery and the point of this pz is a little confusing. pz and luv

__________________
Let God speak for the underground Psalm 49 16-17
16 Do not be overawed when a man grows rich when the splendor of his house increases
17 For he will take no thing with him when he dies, his splendor will not descend with him
18Though while he lived he counted himself blessed - and men praise you when you prosper-
19 He will join the generation of his fathers, who will never see the light of life

20 A man who has riches without understanding is like the beasts that perish

This wuz good piece dog. Good imagery, vocab, and rhyme play. A lil depressin but nevertheless it wuz good.

8/10

Return the favor:

Rememberin Us: Based On A True Story-
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=95847

reply to three open mics, and post links to your replies in this thread or it gets deleted.
thanks.

__________________
Life isn't a bitch...
she's just sick of being personified -Sage Francis

you are viciously consiouss of yourself and talented in emotional expression.depression adds an infasous on the whole concept but all and all it is extremely good and makes me want to read more work....im not familiar with you but am intrigued.