I part the smoke and fight the rote that coats the hope,
for kids who cant cope, surrouned by dope and those who gun tote.
Im comming gung ho at all of you who dont know,
Ill concentrate the sight staigh on those who castagate,
like a boondock saint at this rate ill reinstate the united states.
when I terrorise the eyes of those I despise by exposing the lies,
hidden by suits and ties, like doves the classified files'll fly.
Then this aristocracy filled with hypocracity in a mock democracy
that flocks to see the next catastophe of the worlds mobocracy.
This shit clouds the shrouds of my mind till i scream out loud,
Im not proud of the crowd that Ive been endowed.
my plans make even the tuffest opponents run scared,
they're not prepared to bare the despaire i swear.
The war's not over the battles just begun
Im like the heir to a nightmare you cant wake from,
It makes your bones shake and break until you finally surcome.
Then you'll finally realise that i'll stop for no one.

nice play off words ......talent
concious yet very metaphorical its like giving a fact and then conceiling......pretty fucking complex yet in parts simple...over all thia was a really good read and i would like to seee more work from you.

nice drop...i enjoyed reading it...got sum talent...nice with the rhymes
and flow...nice vocab too...not a very solid topic...but it was
just one of those things that you read for fun...its all good...tight man
stay up.
8.5/10
peACE

btw. plz peep my [love at first site] thread...thanx

You need to leave 3 links or 3 names of people you left feedback in or this will get deleted...

But yeah this was pretty good....you structure was pretty decent i thought in this....your vocab was pretty good as well, maybe a little better but nothing real major to improve...your flow was nice in this, stayed on point through out this i thought....overall it was a good piece...keep at it.

masta c u post what u jus posted everytime? r u a mod or somat? Anyways nice piece of rhyming there.....

all but 4 of my 12 posts have been feedback, i just left it about a month ago and cant remember who it was now. In my first post i posted them but i cant remember what, where or who they were.

^search your own posts and get the links, or this goes.
sorry, them's the breaks.

__________________
Life isn't a bitch...
she's just sick of being personified -Sage Francis

Here are 3 from today... my userCP doesnt have the old ones but i did comment on these ones..

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...1362#post961362
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=96433
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=96446