This is why niggas be takin there life At that age they shouldn't be holdin' a knife But they do and they think it's aight They go round imitatin t.v. jumpin people at nite This isn't how shit's supposed to be People always sayin' that young is the key To the future they hold But they're minds are too easy to mold I wish we could show them the truth That a gangster life is hate and Ruth To much for them to handle Barely able to walk but they think they're able To young to see To young to be They don't know that every lifestyle has a fee To young for the life they lead Shit's gettin outahand it's too much for me Feel sorry for those who try Get a job and barely can get by Sometimes I look to the sky Wonderin' if there's a god Why he make's life so hard We can only do so much sometimes we just need a little more Watchin little niggaz rob a store Break's my hardened heart Hard as a rock But underneath we all hope they don't mock For this life us niggaz lead is too much for them They always they're mommas gem Pickin' up guns and shootin the same race Can't they see were all in the same race We all have the hardened hated face New crews use play and hate us We step outta line and the police make a big fuss But if the white steps outta line It makes you wonder some time Why some people can be so rutheless or kind This isn't gonna make a point When I'm finished all niggaz go out and smoke a joint The little niggaz get caught and fight with there parents Can't they see this shit's inhearent They tear up they're own families Tryin' to make up raps when they can barely pronounce simili That shit's an art has to come straight from the heart remember this day because it's a first That anyone was ever able to quench the young thirst Of a child so young The drug battle begins The light's begin to dim Of coarse he lost the battle they're so small they like cattle go with the flow when we watch them it's like slo mo

Shit sorry that was just on my mind

at first glance i thought....not good....i dont like paragraph much..takes away the read......some of ya lines were ok...but ya need to improve ya vocab n structure.......wasnt feeling this.......introduce sum nice metas n shit...aight...pZ

You need to leave 3 links or 3 names of people you left feedback to or this will get deleted...

But this was ok....you have to work on your structure, dont put it in paragraph form like that though, put it line on top of line so it has good structure cause when its in paragraph form some people find it hard to read and keep reading....but other than that it was alright...keep at it.

thanx bros. . .

what do you mean by three names or 3 links though?

you have to reply to three other open mic pieces in this forum and post links to your replies, otherwise your thread gets deleted.
read the rules, it goes a bit more in depth.
thanks.

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Life isn't a bitch...
she's just sick of being personified -Sage Francis