Its sad as time flies,we crie,does time die/
we sigh the same way after askin why man tries/
do birds appreciate flying,do we thank god for walkin/
as birds fly high above we read novels by steven hawkin/
we cease to dis-approve wit moves by millitry minds/
man kind,designs the death of those behind with riot sings/
indulge in sudden currents of power as god devours/
those who cower behind a mask,these taks are done within an hour/
we tak for granted weve come so far from paintin life on cave wals/
we gave wars,created laws and even doctors for shot out jaws/
religion has paved the way for past history and now today/
but lifes grey,science has ruined what made us neel on knees and prey/
i change a way of culture,souls ruined,man kinds a pagon/
a sweat of sorrow for those who follow a person who preaches "god made'em"/
we sigh a conqure of sudden hope that we dont tighten a suicide rope/
cuz we can cope with "yups" and "nopes" like we can climb lifes grimey slope/

You need to leave 3 links or 3 names of people you left feedback to or this will get deleted...

but this was alright i thought...your structure could be a bit better , cause towards the end your lines kinda got long, but you can fix that up then....flow was alright i thought, fell off at times though....vocab was alright as well...overall this was alright ...keep at it.

Ight thanx man..LOL

Anyway, I REALLY DONT CARE, ( this aint aimed at any1) Its fuckin 7.21am and i aint slept since saturday....Im tired as fuck, and cant go to sleep....Id Kill 89% of RB, and thats Fact....WHO CARES IF MY LINES ARE CARRIED, who cares if im Dope Or Wack....WHo CARES FULL STOP......

IM THE TIERDIST PERSON ON EARTH RIGHT NOW......And This kid gave me a reply... DAMN...

But thanx anyway....I was suprised id get1....LOL

as birds fly high above we read novels by steven hawkin/

^ dope lines.. right there.. Kids that is what its about.. For all you wack little fuckers.. Who think your amazing.. I have seen you come better but this was still very good..

cuz we can cope with "yups" and "nopes" like we can climb lifes grimey slope/

^ juxtaposition.. Making it even better

One of the better pieces in the open mic..lol.. I might check Cam's piece now.. lol

i thought you did a good job here....a good style of writing.....nuthin wrong with the vocab...flow 'to me' fell a little....but as a peice i thought this was well done.......pZ

Thank u very much


although i did write it like 5am this mornin, and flow and shit did not mean a single fuck to me....LOL

well for bein soo tired it wasn't the worst thin ive seen this morning.
good flow and the topic was okay.
u had some good lines in the beginning then your tiredness started to kick in.
its straight though, keep postin
.................................................. .......

thank u..once again

fuck a table..!!