concieve to recieve wat uve been decieved
ive seen wat you youve weaved from ur own two hands
ur damands have caused the fall of many men
that had the rights plans to full fill their dreams
wat they have seen
of the money the fame that shames the true game
but true fame is spittin wat you feel and what u know
not about the money the cars and the hoes
cuz you know
(pause)

Hook x4
(the true artform of spittin rhymes)


labels trappin tru thugs into flauntin there street dreams
and its seems that dreams turn into to record sceams
cuz even I will stick tru to wat I've been thru
cant u see its not good to be wat u see but to be who u be
see wat i mean or have u seen or been in the spot light
not willin' ta fight for wat is right in your mind you no

(pause)
Hook x4
(the true artform of spittin rhymes)

media completely changes preception
and direction cuase an erution of fans
with ur name on their hands
the fame and the glamour gone in an hour
after the show the fans are all gone
no one singing the song
the label left you blind sighted
the fans are one sided
they turned to the new next big thing on the block
your conract is up
your album is out
and your left on the shelf cuz they didnt sell out
so stick true to what you know

(pause)
Hook x4
(the true artform of spittin rhymes)

devoted for wat
just a couple bucks
and some one night fucks
the fans have all left you
you have no dignity do you
the streets have disowned you
their one time hero
dropped to a zero
in the blink of an eye
and you try and you try
to make everything right
and you put up a fight
to defend wat you did
but you've lost your respect for

(pause)
Hook x4
(the true artform of spittin rhymes)

...........i added more and i might record it but i dont have beat
tell me if i should add more to make it longer or get rid of something

its koo you just got spelling mistakes kool......its aiight im feelin it good idea...

6/10

IM BIZZLEN THIS SHIZLE TO GET RIZZLED

You need to leave 3 links or 3 names of people you left feedback in or this will get closed/deleted..

But this was ok...your structure needs some work though, make the shorter lines bit longer and make all the lines around the same length so it is structure good....flow was ok, add multies and internals to support the flow....your vocab could be up'd though...just work on your stuff and keep elevating...keep at it.

not bad wordplay...but structurally,could be a little better,flow was quite weak,but all in all,OKEY DOKEY

reply to three other open mics, and post links to your replies in this thread, or it gets deleted.
thanks.

__________________
Life isn't a bitch...
she's just sick of being personified -Sage Francis

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...?threadid=96354

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...3554#post963554

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...3558#post963558

I'm feelin dis joint
6.5/10
I'm a tell u da truth...u need 2 elevate
its iight tho but it could of been betta
ur style reminds me of how I used 2 write

peep my crew's joint

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=96580

__________________
BEST OF YJ
Holla at cha Boi
Watch Me
Eyez of a Young Nigga

pretty dope, dont know what it all really means but its pretty dope. your rhymin caliber is definitely up there, maybe work on flow more.

structure need work..concept was kinda played, but some nice lines were used, ..keep droppin open mics and keep elevatin man ..keep it up

__________________
Fuck you

thanks for da feed back