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Old 12-18-03, 10:54 PM   #1
CrackaBox187
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From: Charlie-o, Chuck
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For my niggas thats gone

IP: C430 9FB2

dawg you was cool, you wasn't even like that,
you wasn't into guns and drugs,you had no reason to fight back,
but we'll bite back, and showem it's serious,
takem out of this world, 2 fast, 2 furious,
this next bullets curious,
to see the insides of the hoe who did this,
you dead, and didn't have any enemies,
what does that say to me, why does god let me breath,
why do i still see, ya'll hate and envy me,
hide on Romney Street, wait to wipe niggas off they feet,
out the scene, obviously to obscene for the all star team,
fuck a dream, i burn some green mixed with white,
boont it up for the day, and call it a night,
burn this one for my dogs, who made it out the yard,
and when i get up there, i'll burn one with yall

Kaylon Mosley
Sunset 12-16-2003

reviewed:
A.T.
Dropz
dez

Last edited by CrackaBox187 : 12-19-03 at 02:31 PM.
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Old 12-19-03, 12:04 AM   #2
wogzta
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er... i see you got emotion... but well... this was a pretty amatuerish piece :S

you didnt use syllable rhyming, you vocab was weak... not many poetic elements... you need to fix up your flow, and not use so many filler lines which dont mean anything....

but cos of the emotion you get some points

5/10

how come you have 3 open mics about this same topic?
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