for years ive been ducked like a right jab from lennox
i spit sic shit listen and you'll find ya self in a clinic
i aint from miami, but i luv to bring tha heat
i spit fire when i speak dats y i eat hot emcees
when i rip i rip real so that i kno u felt it
got different names moore titles den da bosten celtics
but i aint keltic ,,,,,,,,,im 100% nigga
30% thug tha otha 70 gorilla
u cats might b nice but of course im illa
no way u want it wit me yall softa den pillas (pillows)
i sta to tha street u want beef i can put u unda
when i shoot,,, im aimin 4 kobe bryant numbas
get it oh u didnt ima expalin if u dont kno already
when i shoot im trien to turn ya shirt into convetti
leave ya brains lookin like chopped spegetti
dats tha out-come when u learn how to hold it steady
yall aint ready for a young cat to spit bars like bulllets
like a tech nine afta u grab tha trigga back and pull it
its dat easy for me 'cuase rappin is my life
look at dis ryme it only took 20 minuts 2 write

fuck it i dont feel like typin no moore wut yall think

um, this seemed more of a freestlye then a written piece.
thought u're vocab could be uped and the flow wasnt there for me, for most parts of this piece.
not many multis and wordplay werent gr8, jus keep writtin and rhymng to produce better pieces of open mics.
keep elevating.

i aint no critic but u got some good shit keep up tha good work

damn dawg... where's tha rhymes at kid i think that this was a more towardsnewbie verse dawg... think ya could instead keystyle a verse write out something... not haten on ya verse but it just didnt grasp my mind in any aspect didnt see anything that stood out either kid nice... get btter is all i can say ONE

tha flow needs work spell yo words out lil more

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But this was ok....your structure could use some work though, try fixing it up a bit, try keeping all the lines around the same length so it helps the flow out...also try adding a few more multies and internals and up your vocab....but keep at it.