Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio |
|
05-03-05, 09:03 PM | #1 | ||||
Light Weight
|
Boomerang of Pain..
IP:
Your touch is equal to heaven and hell colliding, your kisses desired but decieving keep me surviving for u to hold im striving however, love for my soul i am depriving.. anxiety torchers my sanity your vanity is overwhelmed by your beauty that attracts the man in me ...I sit here confused though mentally and emotionally abused i still feel a tremendous love for u.. maybe i deserve to hurt..because everytimes i escape the pain i come back to u ...to suffer again..again and again i ask my self why me? i look at my deeds and try to see is it me? where did i go wrong? my soul parts with the crypt, as my heart skips to the same song...a broken record.. well in these times a scarred cd depicts me... as soon as i sense the ending its back to the beginning..
__________________
Where Im From! Cabrini Green! Quote:
Quote:
|
||||
05-04-05, 07:01 PM | #2 | ||||
Light Weight
|
IP:
.......................
__________________
Where Im From! Cabrini Green! Quote:
Quote:
|
||||
05-04-05, 08:07 PM | #3 | |
Poet's Daughter.
|
IP:
Hmmmmm kid i like your style. Nice emotion expressing here. Nice flow here and there. Imaginary needs to be upped. Vocab needs to be upped. But great coming from the angle of emotion, keep writing.
__________________
mystery Is a Freak!! ITawAPuddyKat: Yeah, I guess. But I won't be a Lesbo for life. Smartone Freal: oh so u DO have plans of turnin str8 ITawAPuddyKat: Well Yes, Yes I do. Smartone Freal: ITawAPuddyKat: Lol, all smiles aren't we? Lol Smartone Freal: lol yea i cant hide what i think bout u Smartone Freal: ITawAPuddyKat: ...Oh, what DO you think about me? Lol Smartone Freal: lol sorry thats private ITawAPuddyKat: EWWWWWWW..*Sigged* |
|
05-16-05, 10:56 PM | #4 | ||||
Light Weight
|
IP:
hanx.....................
__________________
Where Im From! Cabrini Green! Quote:
Quote:
|
||||
05-16-05, 11:17 PM | #5 | ||
<<-Carpe Noctum->>
|
IP:
good flow, and vocab in some parts, i liked your style though it seemed like you could have wrote some deeper lines, some deep thoughts, could have been portrayed better, but overall, i thought this was a good poem..keep droppping
__________________
"QUOD ME NUTRIT, ME DESTRUIT--AUT VINCERE AUT MORI" O Y D *FluidMusic* *Poetic Scriptures Moderator* |
||
05-16-05, 11:25 PM | #6 | ||
A Reflection Of The Past
|
IP:
word i think the vocabulary was nice upp until you got towards the middle you fell and slowed it down a little,which a poem should be on the same level of pace and moods..nice rhyme scheme...overall a nice peace man
__________________
Crhyme Sindicate
|
||
05-17-05, 03:18 AM | #7 | ||
New to RV
|
IP:
wo shyt is ill man.. i understand excatly whats going on in the poem.. shyt really hit home with me.. good drop man
|
||
05-18-05, 12:07 AM | #8 | ||||
Light Weight
|
IP:
thanx man uppin....
__________________
Where Im From! Cabrini Green! Quote:
Quote:
|
||||
Thread Tools | Search this Thread |
Display Modes | |
|
|