Alright you guys this is tricky so im giving you all till wednesday of next week to have it completed......

Topic: write a dialogue between a blind man and def women (even if it was impossible what do you think would come from the conversation) It can be about absolutely anything.....





example..heres something i wrote up(just to give an example of a dialogue) of course you need to make it into a rhyme scheme of some sort.....

Soc. How can you be certain of anything?
Jus. By definition certainty is but full assurance of mind, if the mind is fully assured is there not certainty?
Soc. You validate certainty with it’s meaning, definition is then your objective authority?
Jus. The laws of nature avail consistency and with consistency there manifests objective certainty.
Soc. Are you infinite and therefore able to claim the consistency of the laws of nature within the test of time?
Jus. If we cannot observe infinity can we know anything at all?
Soc. You exist do you not?
Jus. Yes, but do we accurately coexist with the surroundings our senses interpret?
Soc. The mind and in turn body, have limitations making this a question of ontology, a question terribly vulnerable to speculation.

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SOFT FOCUS crew record (3-0) Wits end ~ DOI ~ Central....now who's next?
sacred scriptures record (5-0)

Shared Senses

Blind Man (Groom)/ Def Woman (Bride)

Encircled with flowers, at the end of the aisle,
Stood love in all its powers, in the form of two smiles.
People seated in the pews, swooning over such a wish,
Had never before witnessed a union quite like this.
As all looked on in passion for the vows to be spoken,
even though the sweet silence would not soon be broken,
The bride takes her man's hand, palm up, then she starts,
to form with her fingers the words from her heart:

"Dearest husband, you have taken my handicap and healed it,
Found the leak from which my tears fell, and you've sealed it.
Shed light on my darkness, and to me, revealed it:
I can't hear your heart beat, but I surely can feel it.
Darling, once was a time I thought life was ill-fated,
I focused on what was lost, not what could be created.
Life was jaded, and all of my sunshine was shaded,
I desperately awaited happiness reinstated.
Deaf to sound, numb to life-I soon raised my defences,
But your love, not my loss, helped me come to my senses.
And Thank God. I've no regrets, I never find myself reminiscing-
For what I've seen in your soul makes me not miss my listening."

A translator to the right voiced the words the bride signed,
As the spectators struggled to keep their tears confined.
Such sweet words; She looked to him, her heart began to shudder,
Now it was the groom's turn, emotional, his lids' fluttered,
but he still kept them closed, and in his mind, searched for scripts,
he'd rehearsed many a time; He touched her fingers to his lips:

"Beloved Bride, I've cried, and in the tears nearly drown,
at the thought of not seeing you today in your gown,
With your sparkling eyes peering at me through that veil,
a lacey white with detail, known to me like my braille-
by touch only. But I've eased my mind knowing just this:
The clearest eye-sight could not do your beauty justice.
And everytime I mourn not being able to see your real features,
The gorgeous images I have of your soul serve as sweet cures.
and my blindness has helped me over observe other traits,
Like memorizing every single curve of your face,
with my hands; Or your laugh, the way it resounds in my ears,
and how anytime I'm lonely, that sound reappears.
You've eased my fears, My life before you was flipped up and twirled,
I went blind, But I wouldn't trade a thing for the world,
Because now, I have you, and I appreciate and adore,
all these things i see now, that I would have missed before.
Just stay with me, Love, through all of our years,
You be my eyes and I'll be your ears.
Together you and I, I know we can manage,
And no longer feel, in this world, disadvantaged."






Copyright © 2003. All rights reserved.
DaGyrlRemarqabL

i WILL post tommorow
i'm SO sorry, beautifully
done btw, Mad things
keep happening including
my entire poem being lost
so, i am re-doing it, and
posting by tom. morning
as early as 1 or 2 am.
atmosphere is tonight.
otherwise, i'd do it now.
but yeah . pz

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You can heap praise on these two most talented poets after the judges have voted.

Sorry.

Oh, and to keep with the hundred character minimum i must know keep on writing till i feel i have reached that...

^Thank you.

*patiently waiting..*
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witness the beauty or sit in this mutiny
i'm gifted with your presence light or life
my eyes were unopened, but it was love
at first sight, so new to me, but it hurts
it tears apart my celestial thought pattern
as you take it out of place and leave the
neat rows above my head scattered. i beg
god for the privlige to gaze against your
face, and let the contrast of my vision unveil
the beauty unmatched and great, i'm yours
take me to the end of the road and we can
hitchhike to the next obstacle, i'll be your
ears if you can be my eyes i'll listen for
deceptions as you see right through the lies
but it can't be, because at the end of the
road we die, and if we seperate i take my
personal pride for giving impossibilities a try
but i'm stuck running in an endless stride
ready to die. i want your smile i want your
tears, not laughs and cries i want to SEE!
open my eyes..please god...open my eyes

listen to the beauty or sit in this mutiny
i can see your smiles but i can't listen to
your feelings, i see sunshine held within
your expressions i can see your tears but
the saddness isn't apparent, i'm surrendered
to you, but it's terrible and saddening and
i know it's wrong but your life is too good
for me, and i almost feel like dying. we fly
together and in the clouds looks and sounds
don't matter, the air grasps our bodies together
and we are caught in that moment of bliss
that moment of this that moment that we live
together as one united in love i close my eyes
and you close your ears and together we are
floating above heaven with a gravity opposite
of normal raindrops flow through our veins
and our thoughts are golden snowflakes
our feelings are sparkling feelings that bounce
off the roof of heaven as we sit in the clouds
with a fishing pole hoping for what we can't
have...then all of a sudden god reaches up
and gives us a helping hand....

together we wake up, found inside a dream
miles above where we live happiness exaggerated
the wind blows in this place with two large arms
and he holds you against him in utter self content
i look into your eyes and you listen to my voice
we carry a normal conversation while crying the
eyes back to blindness listening to the sounds
back to deafness, heaven sent this dream must have
been, we stayed there, together love at last love
and laughs i could hear and you could see, switch
it back say i can. what we had now was a loss for
words we hugged eyes were held shut, stuck in
this dream of angels and never woke up....



we died....and yes as you can see...we went to heaven








...believe

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to both of you......... i am almost left unable to say a word.
both were terrific. but i am not the greatest iwith poetry
so i will not vote, i will let the ones who know what they
are doing vote, but you both have serious skill

Nice, Sand...

3 days late..but Nice.

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Damn, i just finished 'judging' dagyrl's piece. But then the frigging computer froze.

I'll probably judge it later now. Later today, or tomorrow. Damn.

^ouch.
Cant wait to see what you have to say, V.
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wow nice pieces for the both of you. sand pulled through nicely, I'll put my two sense in tomorrow..
-1-

__________________
SOFT FOCUS crew record (3-0) Wits end ~ DOI ~ Central....now who's next?
sacred scriptures record (5-0)

Okay, i'll try again.

"Encircled with flowers, at the end of the aisle,
Stood love in all its powers, in the form of two smiles.
People seated in the pews, swooning over such a wish,
Had never before witnessed a union quite like this."

^^This opened up the piece very well. Using some beautiful and fairly well constructed imagery. You bought the reader smoothly into it. Though i felt the last line was a bit looser and over elaborate. Could've been compressed better to go with the first three lines. Nonetheless, started off very well.


"As all looked on in passion for the vows to be spoken,
even though the sweet silence would not soon be broken,
The bride takes her man's hand, palm up, then she starts,
to form with her fingers the words from her heart:"

^^Very nicely written. Carrying on with a real beauty. Also i liked how you stayed away from the fact they were both blind or deaf. Going 'beyond' that. Only hinting it once or twice. The second and fourth line were quite superb.


"Dearest husband, you have taken my handicap and healed it,
Found the leak from which my tears fell, and you've sealed it.
Shed light on my darkness, and to me, revealed it:
I can't hear your heart beat, but I surely can feel it.
Darling, once was a time I thought life was ill-fated,
I focused on what was lost, not what could be created.

^^Not sure whether you were using the 'it' in a well worked way. Or whether it just formulated like that. But either way, it came out very good. You seemed to go slightly more in depth here. Using it to add extra power. Not too deep, but just about right for the overall way you wrote it. Keeping a slightly cryptic feel to it too (well it would be if you hadn't told us before hand who was blind and who was deaf, and also basically if we hadn't known whast you were writing to). You keep the reader intrigued. Maybe a bit too rigid with the rhyme scene. Though that only comes out in the end of this part.

Life was jaded, and all of my sunshine was shaded,
I desperately awaited happiness reinstated.
Deaf to sound, numb to life-I soon raised my defences,
But your love, not my loss, helped me come to my senses.
And Thank God. I've no regrets, I never find myself reminiscing-
For what I've seen in your soul makes me not miss my listening."

^^Well written. You kept that certain depth. Wording it well with an effortless and recurring beauty. Though i did feel the last line could've been executed a bit better. It seemed a bit blunt for the overall feel of the piece (stanza at least). And over elaborate in how it was put. Felt a more subtle approach would've been better. Still, didn't matter much.


A translator to the right voiced the words the bride signed,
As the spectators struggled to keep their tears confined.
Such sweet words; She looked to him, her heart began to shudder,
Now it was the groom's turn, emotional, his lids' fluttered,
but he still kept them closed, and in his mind, searched for scripts,
he'd rehearsed many a time; He touched her fingers to his lips:

^^Simply beautiful in imagery and 'word-play'. Also the way you further opened up what was going in such a smooth manner caught me attention. Executed very well all the way through.


"Beloved Bride, I've cried, and in the tears nearly drown,
at the thought of not seeing you today in your gown,
With your sparkling eyes peering at me through that veil,
a lacey white with detail, known to me like my braille-
by touch only. But I've eased my mind knowing just this:
The clearest eye-sight could not do your beauty justice.
And everytime I mourn not being able to see your real features,
The gorgeous images I have of your soul serve as sweet cures.

^^Now getting further into the complexity of the situation. Not too much. It wasn't that kidn of piece. But instead just about enough to both dig and comprehend in a smooth and encapsulating way. The meaning behind it executed in a raw yet beautiful way too.


and my blindness has helped me over observe other traits,
Like memorizing every single curve of your face,
with my hands; Or your laugh, the way it resounds in my ears,
and how anytime I'm lonely, that sound reappears.
You've eased my fears, My life before you was flipped up and twirled,
I went blind, But I wouldn't trade a thing for the world,
Because now, I have you, and I appreciate and adore,
all these things i see now, that I would have missed before.
Just stay with me, Love, through all of our years,
You be my eyes and I'll be your ears.
Together you and I, I know we can manage,
And no longer feel, in this world, disadvantaged."

^^Rounded off in a way befitting for the piece. It seemed you yourself by now had got into total stride, and got right into it too. And kept on writing. Which gave off that extra effect to the reader.


Now my first attempt at judging this piece was more extensive and 'better'. But as said, i lose it cos of my damn computer.

But nonetheless, the sentiments are still roughly the same.

It was a bit of an epic. Though it did go off once or twice. Overall, it didn't matter too much cos the rest of the piece was so 'strong'. Also i felt mabye an intertwining of the two (and interchanging even) could've been more interesting and effective. And a small, but powerful finishing stanza in an over-view like style.

But that also didn't matter much. This was a beautifully done piece.

What do i give it?

9.25/10 (considering the difficulty of the topic, it was done very well..).

WOW. thank you for that.
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Can't believe it happened again. So what i'll do is give a less deconstructive run down.

witness the beauty or sit in this mutiny
i'm gifted with your presence light or life
my eyes were unopened, but it was love
at first sight, so new to me, but it hurts
it tears apart my celestial thought pattern
as you take it out of place and leave the
neat rows above my head scattered

You made a blistering start. Really got right into it with a kind of heartfelt yet fairly well thought out intensity.


It went on from there, slowly getting into a steady 'groove'. Yet keeping that great intensity. It was ended well enough (the first stanza, big as it was), though could've been better i guess. Just didn't seem to go with the piece too much.


The second one was equally as intense. The imagery maybe even more beautiful. Especially towards the middle. It's hard to quote from the second one, even more than the first. So i wont really try. But was especially caught by the 'clouds' part.

Finished it off with a power. I could see you were trying to give an epic ending to a piece that was quite epic within itself. But i felt overall it didn't live up to it. At times it did, very much so. But then you did over do it a bit. I felt trying to hard to 'squeeze' it out...

Nonetheless, the ending was good. And overall, though the last didn't live up to the first two, it was still very good.


So all in all, what do i give this?

9.5

But no, wait.

I have to deduct something because of posting 3 days late. Though you did say you'd post it that night or the next day. It was still not there till 2 days later. And as Deacon and The End have adopted a fairly tough stance on this tournament. We got to look at things more cold.

So 9.0. (-0.5).



Which means


Vote: Dagyrlremarqbl

congrats to both of you..
both were extremely dope..
and i knew one of you would win it.
and sand, dont get let down you lost
im yet to place first on a Rapbattles.com
poetry tournament.. although finals have been
reached on numerous occasions.

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