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05-05-05, 11:01 PM | #1 | ||
Flyweight
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A Working Man's Sharade
IP:
A Working Man's Sharade
I see my reflection in friends, a pen scratches a checklist, Touque and torn mittens, check, panhandling a deathwish, Check. People toss biscuits, which I always take for granted I never meant to be helpless, it just sort of...happened. To sum it up in a sentence, would be beyond comprehension Relieving some of the tension, I would leave an impression... Wifey's not stressed about pension, now I've got the scratch If a picture says 1000 words, how long will this sharade last? The first half of my day, I preach lies and false exclamations My wife thinks I've been promoted, working for our nation But I steal with patience, tax scandals were never an option With media watchin', you can't scam a convict at a police auction So I turned to street talkin, for overtime pay from the oblivious Escapin from from politics, usin my makeup kit to be inconspicious Monday's I act hungry "Im starving, please, help out the needy..", What I mean to say is "I need a big screen t-v, come on, im greedy!" Stealin tax-payers money, now even the green of the homeless With all the foodstamps I make, I can even recieve free lunches! Following my hunches, I keep away from the actual unfortunate Seen body's bend to pre-portion rations like they contortionists Really I need to be aborting this, people are dying cause of me Probably falling to their knees but I can't live without paws in green So every day, a new scene, I wear a new wig, a new demonstration I act homeless with patience, saving up for my dream vacations But everytime I hear the phrases: "Empty your pockets or die bitch" I think it's just another example of how politics lie to get rich. http://community.rapverse.com/showt...d=1#post2132560
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-O.G-
Only way out now...is in a box.
Last edited by l i n e . : 05-05-05 at 11:25 PM. |
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05-05-05, 11:24 PM | #2 | ||
in your system
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IP:
wow, this was a nice piece
cool story being told, didn't like the flow at times, thought some syllable counts were off a little, but overall, nice piece, i liked it...and the way you approached the topic as well...good name of the topic too, really put meaning infront of what was to come.... but i cant get over the closer, how it just hits ya and leaves you to think of the mass corruption in life these days, and how easily it can be compared to other aspects in life....overall, nice drop man keep up
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this world is a drug, and everyone's selfish FLY FREE |
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05-06-05, 08:56 PM | #3 | ||
Flyweight
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IP:
thanks for the feedback.............
__________________
-O.G-
Only way out now...is in a box.
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05-06-05, 09:05 PM | #4 | ||
I have a lot to learn...
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IP:
Word I was feelin this. Nice original topic... Well used vocabulary... I thought it flowed fine. Closer was nice and hard, which complements this type of verse. Shit was good.
9/10
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05-07-05, 08:30 PM | #5 | ||
Flyweight
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IP:
bump this...........
__________________
-O.G-
Only way out now...is in a box.
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05-07-05, 08:40 PM | #6 | |
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IP:
Ha this was dope, i was really feeelin this..
Very Creative.. Nice flow it was on point.. Structure was good , made the reader want to read what you had to say... Wordplay and vocab was on point.. It was really a deep drop.. you had nice imagery , and good emotions going into the drop Nice closer, and good opener.. i was really feelin this drop.. It was a good peice.. had everything, in it a well rounded verse Overall keep it up
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