Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio |
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08-09-05, 09:47 AM | #1 | ||
Middle Weight
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look at dis.
IP:
sup, yall im gettin so fuckin static/
dat i kick ur ass n beat tha shit outta u so u become nomadic/ tha death of u wont b so tragic, as the death of me beein tragic/ making u go Poof! into the freezin depths of the lake wit magic/ bitch move outta dis station/ and move to tha next installation/ cuz u aint wanna be heard on dis station/ cuz u n embaressment to tha whole rap nation/ mayne u aint gratuated, i've already reached tha point of rap graduation/ pay attention during tha time ur readin this, which will b a long duration/ my checks ain been cashed, cuz i got so much money, i don need no cashin/ i be wildin out, fuckas poppin shit, i'll have my arms thrashin/ why do u think law enforcement agencies, put da signs that say CAUTION/ all ova my body, cuz they kno im a part of the gangsta nation/ I'm new, so give me sum feedback.
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08-09-05, 02:11 PM | #2 | ||
Banned: Cheating
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IP:
yo man i dont know what to say about this let me break it down:
STRUCTURE: very bad, u need to up on structure...make each line end at the same spot either add or take words out and use creative wordplay Multies: Multies is what you need to make your rhyme flow better and be more enjoyable to read...im assuming you know how to do that...if not p/m me and ill help u out VOCAB:your vocab was kinda played....u used big words that didnt go wit the rhyme.....for ex: "why do u think law enforcement agencies, put da signs that say CAUTION/ all ova my body, cuz they kno im a part of the gangsta nation/" no multis no rhyme scheme.....and ur lines is to stretched out...no hate just given proper feed. up on all that and ull be iight....1 RTF ON MY SIG LINKS |
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08-09-05, 06:09 PM | #3 | ||
Middle Weight
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IP:
aiight man, thanks fo the feedback, i don take ne feedback seriously so yea.
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08-09-05, 08:32 PM | #4 | |
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IP:
Drop a link or this will be closed
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