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02-07-06, 11:22 PM | #1 | ||
Oye...Tu Sabes..!!
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Change Of Mind
IP:
http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=221624
Walkin under your presence....thinkin of you Heart stops knowin your existence is through Wonderin if it you everytime i hear the phone So i'm hoping, prayin, wishin....you would come home Guided by a dim light for the the glow lost it's essence Reminisin while missin the shear spark of your presence Without your wisdom, i'm only a mear mark in a sentence Walkin down an optical illusion for you bathed me with lessons And for now my heart constricts while screamin your name For i lost a guardian angel to sooth my everlasting pains And The clouds seem darker while the stars loose their spark The chain that bonds us is rusted the further we move apart An simple mirage for i gaze to search for our lost chemistry Replayin moments together...it's a lovely but painful imagery So my eyes water while i'm breakin tears of pain lately I've been strong for so long but can't be without you baby Walkin under your presence....thinkin of you Heart stops knowin your existence is through Wonderin if it you everytime i hear the phone So i'm hoping, prayin, wishin....you would come home The frames on the wall covered by dust and memories Once guarded the pictures of a point in my life so heavenly Were the vision ahead was filled with a beautiful forecast So i jump over steep cracks to avoid a fall in a torn path Every word i hear bears the flame that's held in your voice And every desicion i make holds a scar from your choice To waunder onto a different trail while leavin me behind And every song i hear replays your name in my mind Carvin your words in my heart, so i beat to your breath Cupid shot a wooden arrow into me so i bear the splinters left Just dreamin at night, anilyzing when you pulled the trigger To leave me a witherin man, abandoned and disfigured I'm so sick of waiting, degradin and fadin as the wind blows So i'm taking what i bear and shovin it out the window... Walkin under your presence....thinkin of you Heart's all good altho your existence is through So now i don't think of you if i hear the phone Cause i'll be here while you find a new home... Last edited by Tech Skillz : 02-08-06 at 03:16 PM. |
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02-08-06, 03:06 PM | #2 | ||
New to RV
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IP:
sounds like u gagging for sum dawg.........
hehe on tha real tho, some top rhymin technique, flows good and its all on topic Ü |
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02-08-06, 03:08 PM | #3 | ||
Oye...Tu Sabes..!!
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IP:
lol......thanks for the feedback yo...uppin for more
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02-08-06, 03:18 PM | #4 | ||
-da prophit-
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IP:
shit was pretty tight kidd. i liked it and it went along nicely.
keep this shit coming. (could have made it a lil longer but still it was good)
__________________
im so ill that cancer thinks im its father. |
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02-08-06, 03:31 PM | #5 | ||
Oye...Tu Sabes..!!
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IP:
i know...wel thanks for the feedback homie........
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02-08-06, 03:52 PM | #6 | ||
Middle Weight
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IP:
Topically you killed the topic... (meaning you stuck it well)... Lyrically you had good vocab in this... but you really lacked internal rhymes.. (there is no rule in hip~hop that states just rhyme at the end of the line... you can and should rhyme with-in as well) it makes for a better read, better flow, and it just alround gives you more options and outlets to go with on your cadance... Also you should try to do a full 16 bars... per verse... ya verses were good but short...
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\....../ \..../ \../ A.I. Spilled Inc. |
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02-08-06, 04:05 PM | #7 | ||
Oye...Tu Sabes..!!
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IP:
thanks for the feedback....yea i'll make this longer.............
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02-08-06, 11:29 PM | #8 | ||
in your system
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IP:
yeah, i'll leave feedback when you post another link
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this world is a drug, and everyone's selfish FLY FREE |
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02-08-06, 11:39 PM | #9 | ||
Oye...Tu Sabes..!!
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IP:
http://community.rapverse.com/showt...d=1#post2649719
my other link, now drop feed..................... |
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02-09-06, 01:38 AM | #10 | ||
New to RV
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IP:
pretty nice drop...stuck the topic well, good vocab...overall a dope drop...i agree with most of the previous feed, could have extended this a lil longer....but tight job kid
return the favor: http://community.rapverse.com/showt...ewpost&t=221682
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02-09-06, 02:04 AM | #11 | ||
Oye...Tu Sabes..!!
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IP:
thanks for the feedback homie...........
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02-09-06, 07:11 PM | #12 | ||
New to RV
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IP:
that shit was nice, real emotional....good for the ladies nad shit....
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RICH Entertainment
Rapping In Christ's Honor |
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02-09-06, 08:28 PM | #13 | ||
Oye...Tu Sabes..!!
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IP:
thanks for the feedback homie............................
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