I was workin on my rhyme scheme and delivery a bit. Let me know what you think bout it? I dubbed it twice, one to the right and 1 to the left, keep ya ears opened.

www.myspace.com/paranoidxl

http://community.rapverse.com/showt...d=1#post3148717
http://community.rapverse.com/showt...d=1#post3148713

__________________

c'mon uppin!!!!

__________________

Yo Dawg, I Was Likin Tha Beat.... Vocals Were On Point.... Good Delivery.....
I Think The Emotion Really Captured This Though Itz That Kinda Track When U Drunk Out Ur Face That Makes U Think...... There Aint Nothin Bad About It... Itz A Str8 Drop Man Respect

thanks a lot for the props, uppnizz

__________________

piano is cool in the beginning..talkin sounds kinda funny

dude ima be real with you cause thats the only way u gonna get better...flow is real robotic..you sounds like youre not really "feeling" the song..sounds like ur jus tryin to make the song match the snares..that takes away from the song..

the hook is the same exact thing..its too robotic..it sounds constricted..loosen up

yo not bad at all...

i like the delivery n how u spit your shit..with some more work u can get somewhere


PEACE

thanks for the feed yall, uppin

__________________

beat is cool

this was decent

nothing major either wayy


man...i been waitin for u to bust out since 2005...

come on bro


ur pretty decent...but ur lackin that WOW factor for me



keep elevatin tho

all the fundamentals are sound tho...ur not wack



1

word up I'm trying man it's hard to find a good style. I'm workin on it.

__________________

yo this was cool i like the beat.....flows cool smoothest i ever heard but yo i like this delivery ppl is jus hatin lol anyways u keep spittin that

thanks for the feed man, I appreciate it.

__________________

whew...ummmm....this was alright it just....

Clarity was right on, but the delivery and lyrics were a bit blah, you were focusin on flow and the flow was great but there seemed like an intesity with no emotion like you were focusing on the page and spitting hard but not knowing what emotion to use with each line so you just left it blank.... an ok track, i couldn't bump it in a car but if I were having one of my blander days where you just wake up and don't feel like doing shit...this would be my anthem....like if my life was a movie this song would be playing while i woke up, took a shower, got dressed, grabbed a soda and sat down to watch tv...left the house jumped in the car drove around the block for a while and it would probably end when the phone rang with somebody with something to say ya know...

7/10



and oh yea,,,,,rtf

__________________
My SpellBook

GET DOPER

Knowledge is Power, Stop being Weak

Featuring such heads as...Tha Q, 9th degree, Enygma,The green team, Big J and probably you! SO DON'T SLEEP!