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Guest
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dream a dream
IP:
I dream a dream
that one day i wont scream ill wake up with a smile no longer bein a child grew up like a blossoming rose a man from head to toes and yet im still not a full man I guess i dont fully understand I dream a dream that one day i wont cry turn back to the day u didnt even say goodbye that i wont have to let out that hurtfull sigh maybe one day i wont feel remorse and I can get off of this course let it go and go on with my life And maybe not feel pain or strife I dream that one day the pain will go away that the day u left u really stayed that u turned around and thought that maybe the last look had u caught that hopefully u would forget about leaving that maybe i can once again begin breathing I dont dream not anymore ever since u walked out the door my life has been hell I cant take it no more it feels like im livin in a cell now i no longer listen for the door bell!!! |
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New to RB
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IP:
yea this was deep... v.nice piece... I was feelin it
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Narcelus Flawless
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IP:
aiyyo that was a good one...totally feelin that shit dunny....deep shit yo...one
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~OrIgINaL eXeCuToNeR~
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IP:
i get the gist of ya intent wit this piece son...the only thing is it sound very elementary...n ya senteces are kinda screwed
no longer bein a child grew up like a blossoming rose < grew up...or grown up a man from head to toes < head to toes...or toe and yet im still not a full man < still notta man woulda made sense..no such thing as a full man its all good wit these lil mistakes ma nig...im just elevating ya..for i know next time you wont make this error....but the overall concept fo ya piece was nice... holla one...hunnet
__________________
freelance RN Vs RB WAR!!....yr 2000...vet~~YEA I SAID VET!! WHAT YOU WANT ME TO PROVE IT? STEP THEN YOU FUCKING HOMO'S |
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Guest
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IP:
Well put with a certain amount of personal depth that added an extra edge to it...
...so it had some flaws, which i am sure Madd Preacher has mentioned...but overall it seemed a solid enough piece, which can be used to elevate from in the future... ...respect... |
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..A New Breed of Femcee..
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IP:
This had a good concept, I liked the title..It's what got me in the thread...You could have added a little more imagery or vocab but the emotion was still strong. I didn't really like the way you ended it tho, seemed kind of a humorous finish to a serious piece. Iono. Good job tho, i liked it for the most part.
Stay up. Peace |
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