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08-11-05, 12:57 PM | #1 | |
Banned: Biting
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mama dont cry! *-*
IP:
im gonna add a chorus and all so tell me what ya think??
(Chorus) One day I'ma die, mama don't cry Ain't no heaven up in the sky One day I'ma fade away And set the world on fire, watch the sky turn grey (verse 1) Somehow it seems,mama calling my name in my dreams Crackfiends, amphetimenes, what does it really mean Sometimes it feels like I'm fallin,am I close to death Gaspin,suffocatin for air,losin my breath I see visions of doctors and scalpels makin incisions From fatal collisions to suicidal desitions Nobody knows my suffering I bring the pain from my migrane, I swallow 23 bufferins I was addicted to caine since birth Crack baby goin crazy, so how much is my life worth A baby boy that bounces 36 ounces I flip,kilograms I slam from the hip It's kinda crazy how I'm livin But I'm mad on a murder ride nigga I'm suicide driven I've arisen from a dead state-of-mind to find I was blind,too late Mama don't cry (Chorus) One day I'ma die, mama don't cry Ain't no heaven up in the sky One day I'ma fade away And set the world on fire, watch the sky turn grey (Verse 2) If I could start all over I would But I can't,if I could,then my heart might have been good I guess I lost all my time when I lost my mind It makes me sad to hear mama cryin So many dyin I never stopped to think what I put you through Much love,I thought you hated me,mama see I never knew I guess I walked the wrong path In the aftermath,many demons screamin my name You don't know the half I was dead a long time ago Never ressurected,once the .45 shell connected With my dome,I saw my misery crack a smile So put my dead body in the pile And wait a while till you come to the cemetary Cuz you might see my tombstone burnin cuz it's necessary Pine box, my body rots with the best of em Mama I'm dead like the rest of em Mama don't cry (Chorus) One day I'ma die, mama don't cry Ain't no heaven up in the sky One day I'ma fade away And set the world on fire, watch the sky turn grey can i get honest and good feed back... |
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08-11-05, 10:05 PM | #2 | |
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IP:
Drop a link or this will be closed
__________________
The Competition
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08-12-05, 02:21 PM | #3 | ||
Banned: Cheating
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IP:
This was an iight piece i was feelin it.......deffinitly an emotional piece though....up on ur multis.....ur vocab...and that shit......i couldnt really grasp a good flow off it becuz ur structure was so off...try making ur structure look like this
Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah etc.............rtf man |
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08-15-05, 09:22 AM | #4 | |
Banned: Biting
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IP:
thanks upp'inf or more feed back...
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08-15-05, 09:35 AM | #5 | |
Banned: Biting
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IP:
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08-17-05, 12:41 PM | #6 | |
Banned: Biting
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IP:
upp'in this............................
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08-17-05, 02:09 PM | #7 | |
**the council**
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IP:
this was a nice, deep piece, however it would have been much nicer if you had a good structure and if it flowed well, because i lost the flow in a few places so work on that.....also upp your vocab a lil bit expand on the topic......the emotions there though and you pulled that off well.....keep it up
__________________
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08-17-05, 02:19 PM | #8 | |
-Not On My Level-
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IP:
dope fam....up ur vocab and imagery and your stuff will be better...but keep doing ur thing...i enjoyed it.....good job....8/10....RTF....link in mah sig......
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