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12-05-04, 03:09 PM | #1 | |||
mess with me get cooked
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The Sleep & The Dream
IP:
The sleep Sleeping in my bed with my eyes closed nuttin but black sights I turned to sleep with no sense of is my heart is still beating. right? Sleeping is like your dead, you don’t feel no sense of your life don’t know if your going to wake up in the morning seeing the sunlight why I’m writing this? But I gots to say what’s on my mind, and express it Telling yall my feelings about this, life human cycle, which I don’t get The point is I cant sleep at night, scared to close my eyes seeing the color black I don’t know if an robber sweep through my house and put an bullet in my back Now I’ve release my thoughts, about why I don’t like to go to sleep One thing I like to do when I’m sleep, that special thing is to dream My dream It was so beautiful, it hardly rains here, grass is so deep green roses are blooming Mocking birds are sipping sweet nectar, I can feel the wind touching me it feels soothing Monkeys are swinging on vines whips from tree to tree, hearing there noisy strange screech I laugh, with an big smile on my face (ha ha) the grass I can feel the watery moist on my feet I run with excitement. Like an cloud, all my heavy problems had turned light. I was so free I told my self. I don’t have lungs but I can still breathe. I don’t have eyes but I can still see Running to my favorite place, where there’s are lots of fruit’s to eat, and an big waterfall Flowing down stream. I’d look up in the sky, an big bird with long wings. It was an hawk Finally I reach my favorite resting destination I sit by the tree took out an pencil and paper And started drawing. This dream had so much creativity and art. This was my home, the source to take away my faults.
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THE SLEEP & THE DREAM- Quote:
SEE THAT EMPIRE WERD~! P.S.A COMING SOON-GODS BETRAYL OUT NOW-THE SLEEP & THE DREAM |
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12-05-04, 03:12 PM | #2 | |||
mess with me get cooked
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IP:
Why Does It Do That.......everytime I Edit It..........it Becomes Like That
Blah
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THE SLEEP & THE DREAM- Quote:
SEE THAT EMPIRE WERD~! P.S.A COMING SOON-GODS BETRAYL OUT NOW-THE SLEEP & THE DREAM |
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12-05-04, 04:41 PM | #3 | |
-BTR-
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IP:
that was a good piece...........
....i liked the dream part more than the first part cause it had better vocab..i liked the whole concept of this poem cause i havent really seen anything like this or on this topic..but yeah u already told me bout ur strucutre and i think that was the only thing that was wrong with this...overall - 9/10 |
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12-05-04, 06:13 PM | #4 | |
20/20 VisioN
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IP:
a diff type of style then what im used to, but i like it
good visuialization wif words and shit, good details and it seems like it flows well, good structure like always. i give you a 8/10 gj holla atcha boi
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da916_nigga: ima slap it right now
kidcard7692: cock-a-doodle niggaz da916_nigga: I hate whites, blacks, and mexicans...but I love my greens kidcard7692: Niggas dont eat sprinkles kidcard7692: i just fell going up the stairs |
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12-05-04, 06:31 PM | #5 | |
Banned: Biting
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IP:
I Agree With Sabotage This Was Neat And Creative....Decentcy Is What It's All About Nice Going Fam....9/10
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12-05-04, 08:48 PM | #6 | ||
FuCk YoU I RhYme BeTtEr
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IP:
chea man, i was feeling that....nice flow, word use, vocab...keep them comming drastic....9/10
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"I didnt choose this life, this life chose me" EveryDay Its the same old song, and the feeling is always gone
.:THE JURY:. HONOR and RESPECT |
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12-05-04, 08:57 PM | #7 | |
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IP:
I sware I crited this before..but okay..
the poem seemed like one of those old negro spiritual poems lol thats a good thing..very deep in this..I see you found your style.. If you keep droppin like this..you'll get poem of the month.. even if your dope..I'm still crack
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The Competition
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12-05-04, 08:59 PM | #8 | ||
Puttin MD On The Map
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IP:
nice drop...conveyed visualization and had some good vocab.....i felt both piece's on the real......this was a good topic......i felt it flowed well too......ohh and i hate when the structure decided to be gay like that and go one word over...lmao......8/10
peace~1
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.:Retired:. |
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12-05-04, 10:09 PM | #9 | ||
New to RV
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IP:
ay that was good
i agree with chu to
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12-06-04, 03:40 PM | #10 | |||
mess with me get cooked
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IP:
Wtf Is That Music Coming Out Of Your Sig Mafia....................tight~!
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THE SLEEP & THE DREAM- Quote:
SEE THAT EMPIRE WERD~! P.S.A COMING SOON-GODS BETRAYL OUT NOW-THE SLEEP & THE DREAM |
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12-06-04, 05:47 PM | #11 | ||
Rastafari Walk Tall
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IP:
tight drop-good vocab, complex lyrics in places-was jus generally feelin dis- u cud elevate a bit in structure gte me overall - 8.8/10
WHERES DAT 2PAC TRAK COMIN FROM???????????WHAT TRAK IS IT??????HOW THA FUK DID SUM1 DO IT???????
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"His Imperial Majesty Haile Selassie I, Conquering Lion of the Tribe of Judah, King of Kings of Ethiopia and Elect of God" Blog Graphic Designer, Illustrator, Web Designer |
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12-06-04, 06:17 PM | #12 | |||
mess with me get cooked
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IP:
Chea Thats What I Want To Know............anyway........uppin Peace
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THE SLEEP & THE DREAM- Quote:
SEE THAT EMPIRE WERD~! P.S.A COMING SOON-GODS BETRAYL OUT NOW-THE SLEEP & THE DREAM |
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12-06-04, 08:02 PM | #13 | ||
Houdini
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IP:
Very fucking Nice man, deep shyt, Ima nominate ya for Best poet.
Uppin this for drastic....10/10.....NICE SHYT MAN keep it up.
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[IMG] |
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12-06-04, 11:23 PM | #14 | ||
Ask About Me
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IP:
that was alright .....could have been better...didnt really like the fact that you had bad grammer and you constantly used the word sleep and constantly used words mutiple times ....just try to expand your vocab......like dont just use big words and little words.....try to use differnet words
alll in all 7/10
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my MYSPACE is Better than Yours |
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12-06-04, 11:25 PM | #15 | |||
mess with me get cooked
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IP:
Chea Aiiiiiiight................upppin For More Feeds Chea.................
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THE SLEEP & THE DREAM- Quote:
SEE THAT EMPIRE WERD~! P.S.A COMING SOON-GODS BETRAYL OUT NOW-THE SLEEP & THE DREAM |
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