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01-07-05, 01:31 PM | #1 | ||
The Epitome Of Greatness
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Given Light Vs. Konqlusion.
IP:
Rules:
Battles Go Up Friday Check In Due Sunday By 11:59 PM Eastern Time Verses Due Tuesday By 11:59 PM Eastern Time Voting Ends Thursday By 11:59 PM Eastern Time 20 Lines Minimum 40 Lines Maximum No Biting No Recycling Do Not Go Over The Line Limit Or Under The Line Limit Meaning No Less Than 20 Lines No More Than 40 Lines You Must Vote On 3 Battles Per Week And Edit Them Into Your Check-In.. If You Dont Do So, Youre Banned From The Tourney The Following Week Topic: Smog In The Morning
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RV's Only 3 Time Topical Tourney Champion |
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01-10-05, 09:36 AM | #2 | |
Tight.
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IP:
Ok, checking in.
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01-11-05, 10:50 PM | #3 | |
Tight.
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IP:
Early Morning Smog
In the night shots rang, like halloween night, The warning bell sounded, we turned off the light. Not to be seen, nor heard, non-existant preferred, Living in the Middle-Eastern, my brother fell silent, I urged. Counting heads I noticed one was missing, alas a little brother, Put on my coat, kissed my family goodbye, an extra hug from my mother. Out of our quaint room I ran, to lay my life on the line, Frantically I was searching, for a glimpse of one of my kind. More shots, fear hit my already panick stricken mind, terror in my eyes, There he was huddled against a wall, dirty, but alive. A sigh of relief I ran and picked him up,"It's ok I have you", whispered tones, "If something happens run home, don't look back" rebels were walking up the road. Shots seared, blazing in all of man's greatest fury, Nature was on my side, today was not my time, still hurried. Too dangerous to walk on, hidden amongst an abandoned house, Scared and crying, held him tight, making less sound than a mouse. We waited for the firing to subside, covered his eyes, not seeing the dead bodies that lie. Polloution fills the air, from guns, tanks, blown up cars, An idea hit me, whispering, "Not much longer, just hold on". The sun was rising, as was my hope, dawn was approaching, A glare of light, and we were gone, constantly choking. The thick fumes from nothing that was made by Almighty God, He showed me the way, fleeing, through that Early Morning Fog. I wrote this tonight, right after saying good night to my brothers. |
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01-11-05, 11:00 PM | #4 | |
Tight.
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IP:
http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=170895
http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=170903 http://community.rapverse.com/showt...d=1#post1889522 From the people that actually showed. And if someone wants to help me out, it won't let me edit, it even says so in the posting rules. |
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01-11-05, 11:26 PM | #5 | |
Tight.
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IP:
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01-12-05, 07:04 AM | #6 | ||
Odi et Amo
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IP:
Cool, you used my topic hehe...I'll give you some feedback because i know how bad it sucks if you get a no-show...
I enjoyed reading your verse because of the way you approached the topic for on, your descriptions were vivid which gave me the feeling like i was there to see everything happen. Vocab was tight, not too many complex words but not too basic either, found a nice balance. Have no bad comments to give concerning the flow and structure. Emotion was clearly present, you really felt the struggle to get his brother back home safe and sound and the love he has for him. Solid drop!
__________________
Authentik Intelligence ...The future is mine... |
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01-12-05, 03:56 PM | #7 | |
Tight.
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IP:
^Thanks for the feedback, anymore would be appreciated.
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01-12-05, 04:46 PM | #8 | ||
Knock out kings fur life
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IP:
Yea same here I think you cam pretty good on hitting the topic pretty hard. You showed ur emotion in it and had me as if I was living in it and you wrote it as if you experienced. but try to come harder and put more vocab into it next time but not bad.
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01-13-05, 02:58 PM | #9 | |
Tight.
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IP:
anymore feedback please? And damn, at all those emcees who signed up, but decided to no-show, that's lame.
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01-13-05, 10:11 PM | #10 | ||
The Epitome Of Greatness
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IP:
Given Light Wins By No-Show
Given Light +3 Konqlusion. -4
__________________
RV's Only 3 Time Topical Tourney Champion |
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