Whateva happend to equality bfore da law
niggas is so brain washed they even got da DEVILS CLAW
Somtimes suicide is my only with draw
Goverments creatin banks so they can WALK~ALL~OVA~YA (Wachovia bank)
Im strugglin for a education
But no-one looks forward to my Graduation
cuz they know a arab + skillz = a deadly combination
every mornin, im mournin another famliy membas death
I keep runnin from my fears and tears time to catch my breath
so i pause and reflect and let depression take affect
im startin to think god is suspect..


(Pause's to refflect)


I aint welcome no more and 9/11 was my notice
Ya hate me? i hate you too and know~this

Links:
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...7862#post677862
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=70842

uppin for some feed

what eva dude
every day a family memebers death HUH????

you have no fam problems stop fronting
and if so you must have a huge family

If ya spit make sure its the truth

Not bad but could have been so much better

best part was the last line

IGht.....Lemme do this

Okay, this was pretty lame....wasnt feelin it at all.....but thats okay cuz u just gettin yo shit out.....so its all good....you need to work on yo bars and yo vocab.....yo flow was good...but uneven......so workon this dawg............potential....just let it out...

overall-6/10

It wasnt that good of a verse, multi's were there but basic as hell, no wordplay, you need to get over the "all my familys dying" concept, its obviously false and it just makes you seem like you wannabe from the 'ghetto' or something.

Extend your bar lengths, work on vocab, try to get the lines 12-16 syllables per line to perfect the flow, try adding subtle wordplay, get more imageric ad descriptive of the surroundings, try to get emotional and really explain in depth how the lead character was feeling as he witnessed these 'deaths' as it were.

Then you'll start to elevate.

Reply to my piece: Wonderful Women. .

god damn fellas... ya all ova this "internet emccein" calm down aint even that serious... That shit is all real my niggas

and ya nigggas is all on my dick bout every day a family memebers death bar.. fellas, fellas... smh ya niggas need to loosin up this is not HIPHOP this is a ONLINE RAP site


either way thanx for da constructive critisisim

it straight up had no flow really you need to get off the hype of wanting to be from the ghetto and shit man you really needs to come out and say you really are a rich kid who cant rap and thats that

<shrugz>

i wish i was rich....

Kid u need 2 elevate ur shit f'real!work on ur vocabulary and on ur flow and yo wtf is with ur wordplay..kid u need 2 elevate ur shit fo sho..1