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Old 05-09-07, 12:03 PM   #1
Young Sin
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From: Hell's Gates
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http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=242127
http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=242129
THa Warm Up
Words spoken from nerve, chosen is blurred, a word focused
on herbs, smokin' the third, the first broken and cursed
A hurst chokin' from thirst, a verse opens the earth
Supplyin' the hurst with souls worth soakin' in dirt
Knowin' the moment of birth the church pope and the clerk
Reverse moments of a child's first moments on earth
I search globally hurt from dirt thrown at the first
Moment the nurse brightened when she first opened the skirt

Iight I'm Ready.... Fill Em In On shit

sorrow prevails and "DEPRESSION HAUNTS ME"
they "LEFT ME, SALTY," a victim of "DEADLY WANTINGS"
the Devil's talking, and I can hear him "WHISPER BEYOND"
I try not to "LISTEN, BUT GOD" how can't I when "DISTANCE IS GONE?"
Living by wrongful ways I was taught, who's "FAULT IS IT?"
like Adam and Eve, I was deceived when "TAUGHT SINNING"
a lost victim, or better yet, a boy in "SEARCH OF A MAN"
who has "EARTH IN HIS HANDS" to answer "WORTHLESS DEMANDS"
I'm hurting and damn, why was I given a "LIFE TO LIVE"
I have nothing left of myself, but I "LIKE TO GIVE"
a little piece of my soul to every "PERSON I TOUCH"
falling into thorns of 'love', and I'm "HURTING TOO MUCH"
cuz that person I love - makes it a "PROBLEM TO TRY"
which has me feeling like I could "SOLVE IT, BUT WHY?"
exhausted inside, pain seems to "SOOTH ME TO DEATH"
I'll just keep you in my heart where all the "BRUISES ARE KEPT"

agression, I'm dealing with the "HARDEST STEP"
depression, is held deep where the "HEART IS KEPT"
Hope shines light, but that "PART HAS LEFT"
an Ace of Spades, I'm dealing with the "CARD OF DEATH"


Read It n Try To Understand How Deep This Shit Is Wit Me
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Old 05-09-07, 12:09 PM   #2
don cardyac
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From: dc da Don City
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"i have nothing left of myself but i like to give" that line was deep as hell. the whole verse was but that line kinda stood out to me.

you killed it with the multi's too. keep on inspiring, mo.
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Old 05-09-07, 06:28 PM   #3
adamjace
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yeah man there were some creative lines on this piece.. I also like your ability to tell a story and stay on topic on this certian verse...
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Old 05-11-07, 02:07 PM   #4
Cannabarz-K.O.R
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From: Canada
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their was some potential in the rhyme scheme it flowed very good for the most part and ther concept wasn't too bad, alot of places could've been worded better seemed like some parts you worded so that you could end it with a 3 syllable multie...All in All this piece was pretty decent. keep up.
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Old 05-12-07, 10:23 AM   #5
KM
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this was real good....something different from what i usually see from u....everything was on point and creative....keep it up keep writing ~1~
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Old 05-30-07, 11:33 AM   #6
Ransum
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danm you killed this drop fam...
multies was fire... the flow was on point..
you stood on topic and was creative about it...
im digging this fam for real you make me wanna drop some fire like this word true story i like when i read these things that inspire me to write... HELLA GOOD JOB MAN...

9.5/10 keep droping them plez...
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Old 05-31-07, 01:54 PM   #7
Lay.
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From: Above you.
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This was a real nice piece sin, there was def alot of potential in there, multi's were real good..fowed nice, vocab was overrall simple but it was good, worked out well, keep writin man, ya stayed on topic n it told a story n a unique way.
gj nikka
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Old 06-02-07, 08:15 AM   #8
top C krit.
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doooooppeee dude..this was pretty nice, i was feelin it. lol I like readin your om's. cuz u drop good ones compared to most people
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Old 06-04-07, 04:50 PM   #9
Young Sin
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From: Hell's Gates
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thanks for tha props fellaz..... this is better than wut most of ya'll seen because I took the time to write it...... unlike tha majority of my drops which are keystyles
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