Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio |
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06-21-05, 11:10 PM | #1 | ||
[ a.k.a Os ]
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Clock Ticks
IP:
Quick Keystyle tell me what you think
The gun wasnt to far from his own home Infact for a start - it was just unda old clothes Bein 9 in a fun mind - always has trouble in the young eyes But the wrong line - squeaky and sayin "just one time" So he goes around playin cops and robbers Showin his friends - like the glocks a dollar Wonder where the fuck is his mother and father? They dont bother - to check there son while he wanders Now playin Indians and Cowboys - giving stick ups Scaring elders with such a foul toy sayin - "Bitch, what?!" Never pulling the trigger - his mouth was the shot noise Probably cuz he figured the gun was just a hot toy So he goes to his room - aiming his self in the mirror The things kids do - we need rules - to keep it clearer Curiosity leades him to aim the gun at him self To have a peep in the hole - where the bullets are held Eye to Eye with the gun - and his finger slips, "Click" The safety lock is gone - and now his life is..... So he cocks it - "What will happen if i pull this"...-drops it And now the blood drips - now a sons hit - now the clock ticks...
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The Council
R.I.T.T Champion
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06-22-05, 01:32 AM | #2 | ||
New to RV
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IP:
Nice...worn't call that poetry but Nice!!!
keep droppin son, nice stroy tellin, i know of ppl who actually died doing that stupid ass shit!!!
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06-22-05, 07:53 AM | #3 | |
Get me?
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IP:
Nice rhyme scheme, worked well..
Although this did have imagery.. Emotion was lacking quite a bit.. The whole story made sense.. But the topic is so played that its hard to think of this as an original piece.. Keep dropping.. |
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06-22-05, 08:41 AM | #4 | |
Light Weight
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IP:
I'm feelin tha storyline...excellent plot and u told the story in a good way. I'd have to agree with phorge o the emotion, it wasn't quite there, but that didn't break the piece, this was still a solid drop.
Overall...7.5/10 RTF on one of the poems in the sig |
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