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06-29-08, 08:49 PM | #1 | ||
in your system
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It's a beautiful noise
IP:
in that orange horizon, you can hear thunder in the distance
the storms rushing near, and my heartbeat starts to quicken there's life in those raindrops, if you stop and listen closely its music for the mind and the rhythm always leaves me feeling so free i could sit forever, staring at those rainclouds wondering what its like to be there on the way down not knowing for sure, but hoping somewhere there's a heaven and if it rains the day i die, i couldn't ask for a better ending pure like a child's eyes, comfort like your own bed the memory of sunshine, and there's always better days ahead a steady melody in the raindrops, listening to the downpour breathing in that freedoms like the rush of a bound horse its a cycle of renewal, the clouds burst with wisdom i turn those raindrops to jewels, in my own perfect kingdom my head fills with visions, i flash back to last fall afternoon showers and reddened leaves falling on the asphalt spring flowers in their beds, covered by a blanket of drizzle stuck gazing at an endless lake as every raindrop has a ripple sitting at a window, the soft patter is all my cause for peace as the summer rains, come in waves and wash away the grief i could sit forever, staring at those rainclouds knowing exactly what is i have to do to stay proud the sky is a garden, and i'm a level-headed florist those raindrops are music, and i'll never stop singing the chorus _______________________________________ http://community.rapverse.com/showt...d=1#post3219854 http://community.rapverse.com/showt...d=1#post3219856
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this world is a drug, and everyone's selfish FLY FREE |
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06-30-08, 12:58 AM | #2 | |
Whys That?
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IP:
in that orange horizon, you can hear thunder in the distance
the storms rushing near, and my heartbeat starts to quicken there's life in those raindrops, if you stop and listen closely its music for the mind and the rhythm always leaves me feeling so free ^this is nice, but you could of left out 'always' and 'feeling'. Just helps it flow a lot better bro. The rest of this is solid as fuck, its not a topical verse, its more like a verse ready to record. i like the emotion in it, and the smooth metas. Vocab isnt to extensive, but meh, fuck it. This is good. Stay dropping. pz |
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06-30-08, 04:39 AM | #3 | |
Peace, Love, Unity
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IP:
That was really good. Didn't need crazy vocab. to keep me reading, had good progression to it. Quite a few lines stuck out, that were really sick. But overall it was a killer drop, KEEP IT UP. Barn.
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06-30-08, 10:28 AM | #4 | ||
don't try.
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IP:
I liked the closer, an my style always incorporates multi's..so I was diggin the flow. You had some vocab, it fit the flow of the verse. Your imagery was on point, it kept me readin. Overall this was a nice drop. Which are to few an far inbetween in the om forum.
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Fear |
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07-01-08, 03:50 AM | #5 | ||
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IP:
that was sick! you should turn it into a song with a dope beat that has rain and thunder rolls. nice imagery! if you make a song i'd collab this is fire homie
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THE TRUTH IS I'M BETTER THAN YOU |
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07-01-08, 04:43 AM | #6 | ||
Within Eternity's Wither
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IP:
I'll leave feed when i get off of work.
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crhyme sindicate
Open Mic Hall Of Famer |
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07-01-08, 08:40 PM | #7 | |
New Jack
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IP:
yep, this was a cool piece..
this story painted a vivid picture in my mind and was compose pretty well. I enjoyed this piece because it grabbed my attention and kept it for the most part...
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LPMNDCTE The B.E.S.T. Crew .................. |
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