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| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
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07-02-07, 04:17 PM
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#1
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New to RV
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angel of mine
IP:
2nd post here so chyeah
give me sum feed cuhzes torn hearts and deep scars are my natural allies/ no matter how far i escape my life is still teeming with lies/ my skin-pourous so the poison has reached my soul/ tainted me--forever indulging, eating away sanity/ my life-transformed into blasphemy-/ my version of ecstacy has now taking it's toll/ stimulated passion raging inside my heart/ the feeling of animosity tearing my inner shadow apart/ my versage--mysterious delirious with sorrowful expression/ camoflauging my identity commited to hide the fact/ that my life is messed up so i can keep my honor intact/ somtimes i would just pray for some divine intervention/ asking for sacred teachings of truth to enlighten me/ to make me bouyant so i can float above the enemies/ i ask for angels to release me from an eternity in hell/ release me forever cuz now im stuck in a shell/ but then i finally see the answer/ i cant just rely on another/ just waiting for things to be better-thats not how it is/ you gotta find your reason to live-your reason to die/ united with the king in the sky/ read the bible son, cuz thats the manual/ simple lyrics, simple answers it aint controversial/ if you wanna be happy, dont take the long way just do what i say/ just a piece of advice from me, so have a good day/// |
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07-02-07, 04:19 PM
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#2
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New to RV
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IP:
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07-02-07, 04:19 PM
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#3
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New to RV
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IP:
uppin for sum feed
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07-02-07, 05:09 PM
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#4
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..........
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IP:
not bad....seems kind of rushed....little off on the rhyme scheme matching your structure....u had good vocab....this sounded more poetic than it did a freestyle or topical.......keep writing....~1~ 7/10
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07-03-07, 01:46 PM
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#5
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New Jack
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IP:
like k-m said its more like a poem..a deep poem i give it a 8
give me feedback on mine :you do something to me -wiley d |
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07-03-07, 09:47 PM
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#6
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New to RV
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IP:
thankz peeps askin for more feed mangs
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07-03-07, 09:51 PM
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#7
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New to RV
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IP:
i tried to make the rhyme scheme kinda complicated at first den finished off with another scheme to symbolizes how simple the solution is but yeh i dont know if thats a really good idea.... lol uppin for more feed cuhzes
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07-05-07, 02:14 AM
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#8
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New to RV
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IP:
hm it was pretty good overall....the first part used nice vocab and meaning....then u kinda changed styles made it a little more simple...keep up the work
Last edited by trizzoy : 07-05-07 at 02:19 AM. |
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07-06-07, 06:10 PM
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#9
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New to RV
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IP:
dang yall dont like leavin feedbak do yall
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07-24-07, 06:22 PM
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#10
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Banned: Cheating
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IP:
Seems like u shouldve put more time into it other then that it was good!
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07-29-07, 04:01 AM
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#11
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New to RV
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IP:
it was ill..i like it
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07-29-07, 06:15 PM
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#12
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New to RV
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IP:
thanx for all da feeds cuhzes appreciate it
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