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Old 02-02-06, 05:18 PM   #1
Black Queen
Classic
 
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Posts: 1,183
Twisted Brain Cells

IP:

Some say I'm sadistic, twisted and gruesome to the fullest measure
My joy of watching pain has been included to my sickest pleasures
Inferior flames get wrote down as letters when they burn into my eyes
One day I agree with the devil next day I turn to the sky
Schizophrenic minds have been handed down to me through my genes
An elaborate and systematic plan of actions conclude my schemes
Get abused in dreams like a more horrific style of Friday the 13th
Kill em cold blooded without a clue of death in my techniques
Give my trust the wrong in promise to make it all right
Incites and provoke ness of the greats are to obey my likes
Hallucinations has me chasing an alias that so many believe
Praise someone nameless and in there minds they perceive
A figment of imagination that someone might of created
No proof or miracles have happened in my life for me to be related
Desecrated situations leave me standing in the graveyards
Same card dealt leave my veins demanding a big brave heart
Pains dark and for me the light will not and has never shone
Blame my own conscience of acceptance and now I'm standing alone
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Last edited by Black Queen : 02-03-06 at 10:07 PM.
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Old 02-02-06, 09:27 PM   #3
Bonafide
I Chill in Asylums
 
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From: MA
IP:

I liked this, it was good. It flowed really well for me and i liked the topic too. The vocab and imagery were really well done also. The only thing i didnt like was the long lines, but thats just my opinion. But good job anyways. Please RTF on any of the links in my sig. Peace.
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Old 02-02-06, 09:36 PM   #4
Kawn Flixx
FUCK STROBE
 
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Damn mami this was a really good drop i was really feeling the emotions and feelings going into this peice...Flow was on point it all flowed very well together..structure was good but that "red" font hurts my eyes but yea nice job.
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Old 02-03-06, 08:43 AM   #5
Critic
Black Poet
 
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From: London
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Sup ma this was well dope it was a good read.. it had really deep emotions..
really good flow and vocab. The close was my fav bit,.. this was a nice verse
ma keep em coming.

1~
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Old 02-03-06, 09:24 AM   #6
Vortex
New to RV
 
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Schizophrenic minds have been handed down to me through my genes
An elaborate and systematic plan of actions conclude my schemes
Get abused in dreams like a more horrific style of Friday the 13th
Kill em cold blooded without a clue of death in my techniques


nice yo.. coo imagery

strangely enuff your thinking in rhyming and imagery seems very similar to mine in certain aspects.. so i'd like to maybe write a piece with you some time if your around.. i got a piece down the page a lil if you wanna see what i'm about yeah

pz1up
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Old 02-05-06, 04:25 AM   #7
Black Queen
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thx for the feed everyone
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Old 02-05-06, 09:59 AM   #8
LADY_LYRICAL
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From: HERE THERE EVERYWARE
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dam gurllll, this is hot for a 15 year old,,,,,, keep elevatin
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Old 02-06-06, 02:57 PM   #9
noname
Coming to Kill you All
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LADY_LYRICAL
dam gurllll, this is hot for a 15 year old,,,,,, keep elevatin



She 16 you dumbass
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Old 02-05-06, 07:44 PM   #10
Black City
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From: Detroit
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deezamm, dopeness...im really feelin dis drop...lovin da overall flow and multis...tha first two bars had a nigga hooked, and dats what i love...keep doin you ma...easy
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Old 02-07-06, 08:00 AM   #11
night crawler
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yea dis sum nice stuff ...flowed well , had a good vocab .... filled with good emotions .....multi's on point ..
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Old 02-08-06, 02:16 PM   #12
craZed
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Posts: 36
From: Da Streetz
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Yo, sum ill shit is alwayz good 2 see

u started out strong in this wit tha first bar, but u ended a lil weak... my advice would be ta try and get sum hot bars beginning and end so u start and finish wit some fire...
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Old 02-08-06, 03:47 PM   #13
H.D.
Middle Weight
 
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From: Raven's Nest
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great flow, structure, and vocab in this... lyrically sound as well... I like the way you got your topic of choice across... very poetic... good shit...
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Old 02-08-06, 05:44 PM   #14
Po It.
Fuck White Folks
 
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i get it...thats read was hot. i liked the structure...i dont kno why, but i related. the punches were aight. the flow was good, i mean it flowed well...another good one. keep it up.
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Old 02-08-06, 08:12 PM   #15
Dervla
Poet's Daughter.
 
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O now since I went inactive you came to drop some dopeness...I got you gurl.
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Smartone Freal: oh so u DO have plans of turnin str8
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