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| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
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05-17-04, 01:39 PM
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#1
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New to RB
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Almost Away
IP:
yesterday was like today, everyday is the same
everybody knows my name, can i get away? who am i to blame? nobody, i made this fast lane if i fail this bail and go to jail, they gonna tare my tail will my friends visit? or will they stay driven in a life remained sinnin, look at me, two 25's is 50, would they miss me? I'm Almost Away. Tomorrow will be no sorrow, i need nothing to borrow have what i need, access to any weed, will i bleed without a team, criminal schemes lyrical machine i'm my own worst enemy, so tthere is nothing they can do to me inless i'm laid on the cross an shot, remember by the world at a drug spot my money wrapped in the knot of a gold chain, my family drinking my lifes pain i just want it rain, cuz my brain is permanent stuffed wit cocaine I'm almost away. Not happy here, not happy there, does the boss in heaven even care? gimme some feed back lord, this life i can't afford my roads been ruggid, with pot holes in my head, i see my self dead laid up behind a shed, pretend none of this was even said would u think different? i'm in hell, so i have to see paradise, whats it really like in the after life? whats it like living my life? I'm Almost away.   |
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05-17-04, 02:05 PM
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#2
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New to RB
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IP:
uppin 4 feedback..
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05-17-04, 03:41 PM
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#3
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yawn
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IP:
alright this was a very confusing poem, and i think some lines should have definanlty been worded differently. The story was all over the place, and I really felt nothing from it. This should have been in Open Mic, or atleast revised and rewritten. Im not hatin im just honest...
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do your research.  |
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05-17-04, 06:44 PM
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#4
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IP:
Needs ALOT of work i`m not even sure what the topic was abbout.
__________________
S-Own Squod RB Text Tourney Finalist Orginal Relaunched Member. Password Aka The Masked 2nd Moderator on Rapverse Ever Not quite legendary yet.... |
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05-17-04, 10:58 PM
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#5
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New to RB
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IP:
well... obviously ya'll have not been that deep in the streets...its street poetry... the first verse, is like going on to jail..."I'm almost Away"<------ means away from where I am. i dont wanna be here, basically bring me to jail is what the first verse satnds for, then i also try to explain about my friends n shit how i see it would be if i did go. ya'll right it is confusin..
second verse. kind of like a suicide mind, but not to the fullest, explaining my self...the cocaine in the brain thing means I"m slowy burning down, n since i have not touched it for so long, its feeling really weird inside me and my head is fucked..I'm almost away from that... kind of like a threat aswell, being I'm untouchable cuz i have been through lots.. thats y i wrote.. inless i'm laid on the cross an shot, remember by the world at a drug spot my money wrapped in the knot of a gold chain, my family drinking my lifes pain an the last verse verse it pretty much talking to god.. Not happy here, not happy there, does the boss in heaven even care? gimme some feed back lord, this life i can't afford Feeling like I'm gettin closer to death every time i breathe...thats why i wrote.. laid up behind a shed, pretend none of this was even said would u think different? i'm in hell, so i have to see paradise, whats it really like in the after life? whats it like living my life? thats all the time for the run down i have...dont tell me u dont understand...lol.. |
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05-18-04, 08:32 PM
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#6
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New to RB
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IP:
well i understood it just wasnt really feeling it...but definetly potential maybe worded diff stay up 1
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.::The Goddess::.
No ones touchin my lyrical content...cuz im inclined to unwine spines and minds decline stuttering using weak lines all in the wrong context// RB BATTLE RECORD -Winz- DaLyricalVillian((ko)) Gotaasswoopin4u((5-3)) -Lost to- |
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05-18-04, 10:43 PM
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#7
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New to RB
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IP:
thanx...well, its hard to understand something n feel something uve never expierenced.. so i respect what u tellin me.. pce
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Looking For Artists!! ~ If You don't Belive, Then what's a dream? ~ ~ If you can't achieve, with 2 steps you will recieve ~ ~ Time like these, I need the streets, minus the enemy, ~ ~ If their is a Remedy for the mind that controls me ~ ~ Let me see, cuz my life is draining me mentally ~ L y R i C a L K i L l A z BacKmaNn RufF RhYmeR My$tiC AsSaS$iAn CanCeR |
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05-19-04, 09:57 AM
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#8
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Banned: Biting
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IP:
yo this was a good piece....not bat imager and it had good emotion keep it up man
can you peep the 5 pieces i have in here.....thanks |
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05-19-04, 11:40 AM
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#9
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New to RB
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IP:
well, maybe not all 5...one or 2, i'll return the favor when i get time tho fo shour partna.pce
__________________
Looking For Artists!! ~ If You don't Belive, Then what's a dream? ~ ~ If you can't achieve, with 2 steps you will recieve ~ ~ Time like these, I need the streets, minus the enemy, ~ ~ If their is a Remedy for the mind that controls me ~ ~ Let me see, cuz my life is draining me mentally ~ L y R i C a L K i L l A z BacKmaNn RufF RhYmeR My$tiC AsSaS$iAn CanCeR |
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05-21-04, 01:10 PM
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#10
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Sharp Perfection.
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IP:
personnaly i dont find the rhyme scheme all that attractive, it gets really old really fast. i liked the one line at the end of each stanza it made it strong and bold, stood out and made you take in and understand the point of those words. i felt it could use more detail, descripition, more color to it. you have to paint a picture for us with the words and make us see, feel, taste and smell it.work on metas and similies
T
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R.I.P to my lost girl
~ Nyla ~ keep singing in heaven |
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