RapVerse.com Community
 Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End RV Radio  

Go Back   RapVerse.com Community > Fresh From The Lab > Textual Releases
User Name
Password
FAQ Calendar Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes
Old 09-22-07, 08:53 PM   #1
scanz
-da prophit-
 
scanz's Avatar
 
Posts: 497
From: south miami.
Post somethin to write about....

IP:

see.... im a gifted mother fucker, im on another level.
a street rebel, hot then flames produced by the devil.
hotter then any kettle, but i try to keep it real.
me myself and i, man we a hole nother deal.
i unlocked the seal to what i call rap pholosophy.
i believe i created the terms and words of rap-ology.
ppl follow me, so im what my father calls a leader.
reading the future of my oponents like a palm reader.
a glory seeker, and a glory road is what a i follow.
i rap about my past, but the past is hard to swallow.
tomorrow is another day, so a new chance will be heard.
another chance to do what yesterday couldnt serve.
some ppl think my rhymes are basic, but i know im hot.
so ima keep on rapping till there aint no time up in my watch.
i aint gonna stop, ima keep going till no air in my lungs.
my brain makes an idea, and ideas rolll right off my tounge.
some say ima bumb, no job so im in a trap.
ppl mad cus i make my money off of rap.
think of that, im trying to solve the mathmatical equation.
given by bush that brought danger to our nation.
salvation is slim, almost impossible to my young eyes.
a south side boy gonna spit till his mouth dry.
tears drop down our eyes, some answers with no questions.
young thugs learn lessons off of violents and agression.
im here to progress, progression is my motivation.
i pull my rhymes out the ripples of obliviation.
no hessatation off of everything i have written.
im quick at thinking ill take one second to listen.
the rest of my seconds are to acknowledge my gifted reasons.
rap gives me something to write about threw any season.........

drop feed... whatchu think...

Last edited by scanz : 09-23-07 at 09:11 AM.
Send a message via MSN to scanz   Reply With Quote
Old 09-23-07, 04:13 PM   #3
La Cosa Nostra
Bangs like bikini attol
 
La Cosa Nostra's Avatar
 
Posts: 2,147,484,064
From: Gaza Strip
IP:

Brother.. Work on ya multisyllable rhymes and assonance...

I see potential in you like you could be dope you jus gotta keep elevating to a higher level.. Its all about writing rhymes that connect through strings of a few words instead of just one word shit.. And assonance is when you use words with the same vowels in strings so you get shit like "I'm handlin actors steady grabbin em daggers to stab in their abdomin backwards for tactical practice".......the assonating sound is 'a'..

Work on doing both those things while maintainin ya punchlines and always pushing ya vocab.. I'll check out the next shit you write on this n see how you went brother..
__________________
RIP jono, peace out bboy.
Pardon Canada Criminal Record Pardons Services Toronto
Send a message via MSN to La Cosa Nostra   Reply With Quote
Old 09-23-07, 08:26 PM   #4
KM
..........
 
Posts: 338
IP:

Quote:
Originally Posted by Nostradamus
Brother.. Work on ya multisyllable rhymes and assonance...

I see potential in you like you could be dope you jus gotta keep elevating to a higher level.. Its all about writing rhymes that connect through strings of a few words instead of just one word shit.. And assonance is when you use words with the same vowels in strings so you get shit like "I'm handlin actors steady grabbin em daggers to stab in their abdomin backwards for tactical practice".......the assonating sound is 'a'..

Work on doing both those things while maintainin ya punchlines and always pushing ya vocab.. I'll check out the next shit you write on this n see how you went brother..



^^^^^^^i'll also take this advice about the assonance to help improve my skills...sounds real nice the way u put it down....

...o yeah and good shit scanz.....i like how u delivered it....went real well....i got no real complaints about this besides there being no multis or wordplay but i think its good the way it is.....9/10....~1~
__________________
B.E.S.T.....HAHA
  Reply With Quote
Old 09-23-07, 05:49 PM   #5
scanz
-da prophit-
 
scanz's Avatar
 
Posts: 497
From: south miami.
IP:

ok word... thats the shit slim does alot and his flow crazy... so no doubt ill take that into consideration... thanks for the feed.
Send a message via MSN to scanz   Reply With Quote
Old 09-23-07, 08:31 PM   #6
scanz
-da prophit-
 
scanz's Avatar
 
Posts: 497
From: south miami.
IP:

word thanks for the feed fam.
Send a message via MSN to scanz   Reply With Quote
Old 10-11-07, 12:53 PM   #7
сварливый
 
Posts: 5,615
IP:

2 Proper links, open for 2 months after this post.
__________________
██â€-█████████▒▓▓▓▓▓▓▓██████▓▓▓▓██████████████████ ██↑
██‡████████▒▓▓█████▓▓██████▓▓▓█████████████▓▓▓██ ██|
██‡███████▒▓▓██████▓▓▓███████▓▓███████████▓▓█▓▓█ ██|
██‡███████████████▓▓▓▒███▌████▓▓█████████▓▓███▓▓ ██|
██‡█████████████▓▓▓▒████▌▌▌████▓▓███████▓▓████▓█ ██|
██‡███████████▓▓▓▒█████▌▌▌▌▌▄███▓▓█████▓▓███████ ██|
██‡█████████▓▓▓▒█████████████████▓▓███▓▓████████ ██|
██‡███████▓▓▓▓▒███████████████████▓▓█▓▓█████████ ██|
██‡███████▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▌████████████▓▓▓██████████ ██|
  Reply With Quote
Old 10-13-07, 09:21 PM   #8
Antonio Banderas
Free Agent
 
Antonio Banderas's Avatar
 
Posts: 395
From: Maryland
IP:

Scans, this was okay. But, as a self prop, these kind of pieces get old. You maintained a solid flow but I think you could have used more meta or multies to increase the value of the lines that you delivered in this piece.
__________________
B.E.S.T

The Comeback


||Sonny Barz! - The Middle Weight 1-2 Punchline Champion||SickHead.||Fly-E||Antonio Banderas|


Mystic (Traitor)
  Reply With Quote
Old 10-15-07, 01:20 PM   #9
O//^\\EGA
Flyweight
 
Posts: 181
IP:

eh ok....umm im def feelin the flow, 1st thing i noticed and caught, everything else seemed like generic statements, i mean yea it would be nice to have some metas in there, def some similies, ur multis werent actually multis due to the syllables.....its not a multi unless its a phrase or more than 2 syllables at least....ur structure was good which made it easy to read.....this was more of a freestyle i take it....maybe it was a keystyle......so ill judge it as that......which still made it ok......
  Reply With Quote
Old 10-18-07, 10:00 AM   #10
Ransum
Banned: Biting
 
Posts: 1,289
IP:

i thought this was a decent drop word...
i like the flow and i like the concept even thou people may say its getting old its just on how you flip it your way and you could of add it a bit more multis but i dont think you really need it that bad as people say just get a bit more creative with it but after all that said and done i enjoyed this piece word...
keep droping them....


check out my drop called: calm the fuck down...
  Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump



All times are GMT -4. The time now is 07:23 PM.

Powered by vBulletin.
Copyright © 2000-2004 Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.