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Old 12-21-03, 08:43 PM   #1
lyrical_killer
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Posts: 98
From: fl
agaist me!

IP:

I look up and the sky and try/
to refelct on just why I'm only as high the next guy
vexed by the hex I seem to have contracted/
distracted by the next man's word's and left in the track's dust/
and that's just painful as it wanna be aint it?/
tainted eyes of hatred that paints it/
the picture of you or who you used to be/
see and hear the ghosts of you past lives on tapes and Cds/
Be me motherfuckers juat one day I'm pleadin/
bleedin for rap but the passion has been misleading/
and feeding ans treating me like I'm new to shit/
when I know that fire is what I make with a spit/
and hit it off with beat like I was marryin the track/
back to the lab to create another disasterous whack/
piece of so called poetry but I was fooled with sin/
the wool pulled over my eyes and beaten again/
God Damn when will I overcome my bounds man/
with a sound plan to murder sound scans and leave my enemies in God's hands/
When?

CHORUS
against myself....
It's seem odd that every day I'm fighting God
against myself....
I guess it's time to just retire my jersey
Cuz God only has time for those that deserve his mercy

SO i stuff it all down and frown and wait for my track/
stack rhymes upon rhymes, my lyrics never lack/
but situationally it's whack/
cuz my skin color keeps fightin me back/
Or maybe it's just a lame excuse for what I can't do/
my camp's blue cuz I can't even out rhyme you/
every body flatters me but please have not faith/
haste to support G.O.B. is a sinister waste/
and tase of failure in all of it's glory/
long story short I lost my flow and I'm boring/
scoring only when the rhyme comes out of my bones/
alone to stew in my failure, cry and get stoned/
even though I owned it I couldn't close the deal/
and the real deal is I feel as low as a heel/
cuz everybody steppin on me all day long/
screaming at the sky,"CAN I WIN WITH ONE SONG?"
haven't I given enough, stayed driven in tough/
got caught with a gun at a battle and left it in cuffs/
cuz I'm protectin myself from anybody who wanted to kill me/
cuz my facial tissue makes no one there feel me/
even though I'm iller than a 104 degree temperature/
goin in there with five guys cuz you never sure/
if your gonna die tonight for what you love/
never hopin for the red moon always hopin for the dove/



what yall think ???
__________________
"The Legion" takes no prisoners!

I can be nice but dont make me mad....cause when I loose control.......your dead !!

my site:



http://freestyleman.proboards25.com/index.cgi
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Old 12-21-03, 08:52 PM   #2
Menik
Word.
 
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Posts: 2,017
From: Mifflinburg, PA
IP:

You need to leave 3 links or 3 names of people you left feedback to or this will get closed, Thanks.

But this was ok....structure was ok, it could use some work though i think, some of your lines were kinda stretched out, just watch out for that....flow was ok, could have been better...your chorus was alright...vocab in this was ok, could be up'd though...but overall this was ok...keep at it.
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