Just gettin ideas out,no real topic,just thinkin.

replied
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=99001

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=99254

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=99072



no longer excited, what happend to our childhood?
growin up not givin a fuck,who cares if we good,
certainly not anyone,cuz they don't stop us if we run,
concerned with the mon,what happend to the fun,
santa's got a gun,and he handed us one,
shootin you sayin "you in trouble now son!!"
Iv had enough,so im pleadin to stop the tears,
Lifes to rough,stop the bleedin and stop the fears,
Its time to say "fuck it" and head back to the adalesent years.
We used to love playin in the backyard wit the snow,
now we sittin in a room blackbard for pushin that snow,
How do we Know?!that were no longer children,
when we stop tarin down the cities, and start buildin,
We eat ,while they starve, one billion,
we used to care,now all we do is stare,
we spend more on our hair,wont even throw a pair,
now u tell me if thats fuckin fair!!!
When will we get our young innocent hearts back,
we won't were focused on the future ,and too afraid to backtrack,



not done tell me what u think......

okay flow

^Indepth feedback no bullshit 2 word replys, ..

__________________
Fuck you

UPPIn just give me some critisism please............................................ .................................................. .......

man, your drop is one of the tightest i ever absorbed. you tight dog, i cant believe you have the same point of view like i do. tight

just seemed like a ton of scattered thoughts
put down in words .. i like it though .. that can
be considered "artistic" like every other thing .
but your flow needs work .. just make your
idol and you might be okay .. holla

__________________

decent flow....try some bigger vocabulary....6/10

Decent Flow.....Played Topic.....Next Time Try to throw in some Multis....Metas...Wordplay..... ill give u 5/10

hmm.. this peice was ok... but i think it could of been better.. anyways keep it up dawg dont stop, you'll get better aventually..
6/10

peace

thanks for the feedback
UPPIN>../.................................................. ................................................

good piece dunny... just need better vocab... cause really... i have almost... NONE... decent piece.... just be more intellic wit it iight???...

Caeser - On3

Kid, you have no flow with your words....um, most of the above mentioned your flaws....so, some good characteristics of this piece were you spoke words from your heart....good attempt....keep spittin and elevating kid....5/10

__________________
MC Murdera'

(RB's "ill" MCs)


Otherwise known as Artikulate

Ok, my honest opinion is that...by your piece, i can not capture the true image of what you are trying to say. See, for this type of song, I think it works best if you actually feel what you are saying, then you can truly capture the essence of what you are saying. I know I dont make very much sense, but maybe...you should try to write about a topic that you actually live like. If your a rich kid that lives in malibu or a born n raised hustler growin up in Brownsville, NY...you gotta spit about urself...be urself, and it will show in your work...because you will then truly capture the lifestyle you are trying to portray.

Not a bad piece tho...
6/10

Thannks for the feedback...and i agree my flow wasn't very good but i wasn't really into making it sound good i just wanted to put my thoughts down in words......

yea I think Snakeyes took that way over it was alright..ya Flow and Structure was Nice man......you could use some work on Ya vocab though and ya wordplay i was Expecting the Rhymes and it wasnt great in that view but keep elevaten......Peace..