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| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
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12-24-03, 08:38 PM
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#1
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Sand
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Thank You ..
IP:
i was just ... pissin' in the urinal when i found this journal .. i looked n' it had all childrens names .. with some of em' circled i'm usually not the type to be nosy and look through but i did .. so shut it bitch .. you know you'd look too .. what in the hell was this .. i couldn't understand it the letters obviously came from the movements of a man's wrist damnit .. i kept skimmin' searchin' who was this persona it had every damn kid in the city in alphabetical order .. presents for some n' money for others .. who would forget this it's like a wish list .. and this dude circled all the naughty kids .. i'd probably be circled =( .. you see this year just didn't go as i would have planned i was stressed, depressed, pissed off .. goood daaaamn .. but yeah .. everything was my fault it began with failing tests, skippin' school, smokin' herb . . . n' yeah , jail was next the night of my arrest i can remember my mother was crying it was like the birth of my demise .. high hopes were dying i looked up at the sky and .. i asked god where my luck went .. it was snowing so i figured he through the chip off his cold shoulder .. - so i said fuck it .. - now tonight i'm all alone, without even a bed to sleep in i'll probably get fucked up ... this .. last .. n' next weekend you see i'm ten years old n' I just started tweakin' i only trust satan n' dogs not santa n' god like you believe in' believe it .. this journal is my only property so i won't trash it ... now when i can't hold it, i can use the pages to wipe my ass with .. while lost in my thought i was standing at a glimmer poster when all of a sudden a hand grabbed my shoulder .. i screamed ." ohh no sir ! it's not what you think ... i didn't steal your journal i just found it out by the sink .. the urinal ! i mean .. he was white as a ghost .. but he smiled and at that moment, i knew grabbing the journal was worth my while he took back his journal, then handed me a lolli-pop n' said eat it .. from that night on ... i always had his bed to sleep in ... what a great christmas ... thank you michael jackson ... ( mr. claus =P )
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[ Word for Word ]
Kevin. Alex. Patrick. John. |
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12-24-03, 10:15 PM
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#2
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Word.
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IP:
You need to leave 3 links or 3 names of people you left feedback to or this will get closed, Thanks.
but this was a good piece....Really descriptive, i really liked that...really enjoyed your piece here...you had good multies through out the piece...as you did flow it stayed on point through the entire thing, didnt really get off at all....like the imagination you used in this...vocab was good...as was the way you structured this....overall this was a good piece, enjoyed the read. Last edited by Credz : 12-24-03 at 11:38 PM. |
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12-24-03, 10:57 PM
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#3
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Sand
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IP:
lmao .. what mods put MOD in their title btw ?
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...threadid=101248 http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...threadid=101137 http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=95290
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[ Word for Word ]
Kevin. Alex. Patrick. John. Last edited by Sand : 12-24-03 at 11:13 PM. |
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12-24-03, 11:39 PM
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#4
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one wink
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IP:
 HaHaHa, this is dope. Good to have you back, I think I'm going to start getting back into the swing of things again. So thanks =) I liked how it came back to the whole bed thing. Quite gripping, I must say. "the letters obviously came from the movements of a man's wrist" "i only trust satan n' dogs not santa n' god like you believe in' " |
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12-24-03, 11:40 PM
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#5
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one wink
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IP:
Quote:
Every mod did when they were a newer mod. |
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12-24-03, 11:46 PM
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#6
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Registered User
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IP:
nice word play n shit.....and vocab 8/10
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12-24-03, 11:54 PM
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#7
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Sand
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IP:
you didn't even read it cunt face .. give me a good breakdown or i'm going to have you banned ..
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Kevin. Alex. Patrick. John. |
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12-25-03, 03:13 AM
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#8
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Guest
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IP:
Quote:
i never did. . bruk is WRONG! haha. nice piece sand. . shit was dope. a nice christmas story. . errm until it was about michael jackson which i had predicted before it was over. good imagination anyhow. . |
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12-25-03, 03:17 AM
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#9
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Banned: Biting
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IP:
Good peice sand.. keep it up dont ever give up, you have some skill their dawg...
Peace. Good luck!! |
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12-25-03, 11:31 AM
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#10
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Sand
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IP:
i'll just keep on keepin' on ..
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[ Word for Word ]
Kevin. Alex. Patrick. John. |
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12-25-03, 12:26 PM
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#11
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Guest
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IP:
Flow = 5/10
Enetertainment = 7/10 Structure = 1/10 Pucnehs = 4/10 OVERAL = 6/10 Peace |
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12-26-03, 12:37 AM
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#12
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Sand
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IP:
lmao .. that's the coolest breakdown ever ^ thanks man !!
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[ Word for Word ]
Kevin. Alex. Patrick. John. |
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12-26-03, 01:00 AM
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#13
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Guest
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IP:
Ayo dunny dis peice was strait dunny... not the ILLEST..
i heard on the vine that u used to be better... so i guess you really can't poke ya eye out but it was a coo piece... i was feelin (some) of it ... good spillin on3 Caesar |
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12-26-03, 01:09 AM
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#14
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Sand
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IP:
lol @ the usage of 'vine'
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[ Word for Word ]
Kevin. Alex. Patrick. John. |
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12-26-03, 01:19 AM
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#15
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Nigga Ima OG.
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IP:
pretty dope piece...
Flow = 7/10 Vocab = 8/10 Structure = 8/10 Overall = 8.5/10
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OG Status My people skills are way better then yours, nigga.. |
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