Dis is a short piece by me and my nigga PaYce bout bein an mc wit no scrillz tryin to get on wit a deal....
i know that most of the people on dis site can relate 2 dat shit..
peep and critique



.....................PaYce........................ .
Walkin home every day...No dough in my pockets
Gotta think of some way...To get my career started!
Im new and fresh...Just like Allen Iverson's braids
Rappin until i feel stress...I just wanna get paid!!!
Dayum!!! i would kill...to be professionally signed
I Feel like a negro in a horror film...i'll never survive!
im on top of the game...but im workin durin summas
cuz worst rappers get fame...jus look at Young Gunnaz!
Just hand me a microphone...I can make ill cats stutter
But then at home...I dun gots no food in my cupboards!
tried everything, now Im broke...dont even have cable!
and my story seems like a joke...To every record label...


....................Damani-DaGrinch......................
I stay confined in my mind- writin rhymes like every day//
but it dont matter- cuz im watchin my talent sink down da drain//
nobody wants 2 take da time- ta sign Damani//
is it cuz im part white or cuz on only 18//
whateva da situation be-u need 2 reconize skillz//
i need 2 eat- & i see no ceo's payin mah bills//
i need answers quick- im tired of all these hardships//
a can of spam for dinner- in a one bedroom apartment//
i hit da strip glamerous- rockin nice outfits//
flossin fake ice- battlein cats tryin 2 act like im rich//
but when da nights ova i come home ta- da same ol shit//
Rats....ants....roaches- and an empty ass fridge//
yall....say....dats jus wrong- but thats da way dat i live//
why....do u think.... i neva invited u 2 my crib//


A day @ mcdonalds-- PaYce In cold blood-- Liba Dee Wanting eyes-- SkiddZ

WHOA IS THIS THE SAME DAMANI FORMALLY OF THE NO NECKS WITH MASTER BLASTER AND LOST HIS MIND?
IF SO THIS WAS I EXPECTED NO DOUBT HOT RHYMES A LIL WORK NEEDED TO ENLIGHTEN MINDS MORE TO SUBJECT.

BY THE WAY IF THIS IS THE SAME GUY ....I AM LOST HIS MIND

Nice Piece... I really like the concept and think that you are both great MC's.

Three Comments though:
1. Payce's verse was alot Stronger to me... way better structure. It started the piece off nice. And though Damani finished well...

2. The structure shouldn't have changed from MC to MC in my opinion... It almost seems like y'all are rocking on a different track to me. If the structure could have been maintained... this piece would've been abslute fire... if:

3. Damani's Spelling and Grammar was better. Run that joint through MS Word son and bring it back.... the mispellings make a difference to a cat like me.

Good Stuff Y'all... KEEP ELEVATING!

Just My Two Cents - PEACE <>

thx for the feedback. Lets get some more on this.

2

Firts verse was too symplistic. You need to jazz up the vocab a bit. I am all for the rags to riches story, but I think it has been done to death.

Next time you two do a collab..
Make it seem like one conjointed piece..
The 2 different way of writings..is kinda,
Splittin' the piece apart.
Second verse was better.. overall..
As for the concept its been done before,
Though u 2 did a good job on it.

Yo that was pretty tight u wa usin multies in there and shit and thas good, I seriosly think alot of MCs on this fuckin site are way nicer lyricists then half the niggaz on the radio right now
so keep the shit up, and my advice is even when u writin somethin sensetive or real still throw in a clever punchline or 2 and get more lyricly complex like rhymin every last 2 words not jus the last

other then that nice tight shit , hope u make something out of it

~1~

i enjoyed it.it was pretty good, good stucture and flow and u could feel what u were sayin.overall i think it was good just work on vocab

drop a vote on this-

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...threadid=101969

i used 2 be in Ordo Abacho wit him and lack of logic.....
i remember u though....u pretty nice 2.....hit me up fo a colab.... and plus im lookin fo a crew......
-1-