Replied to:

Rural Thug
Pr3cise
Topic


This is a song I wrote just for fun. I'm not really gonna do anything wit it, it's just a cool song. I wrote it because I have been noticing a lot of white kids want to be rappers now because of Em. Enjoy it 'cause it was fun to write.

P.S. It ain't finished


A ninteen year old girl picks up the fuckn' pen
and writes her wacked world down just like Em
Picked on at home, picked on at school
picked on by this fuckn' grade repeatn' fool
Wear your damned band t-shirts that suck
Korn, AFI, ICP, Avril Lavine... I don't give a fuck
Bands wit no talent with clothes showing their logo
I think I saw a Limp Biskit t-shirt on a homeless hobo
Diggin through the trash can lookn' for a used coke
bite me you bastard bumming me for my last smoke
And I'm broke wit my cloak and my soft spoken jokes
Don't provoke us to tell you shit if ya don't wanna hear it

Us Shady Kids have fuckn' strong opinions
And it makes us win wit each tongue muscle we spin
It's a sin to judge our skills that haven't been heard
Have somethin' against us? We'll just flip ya da bird!!

My mom and dad think that I'm being brainwashed
Damn straight! Every night I soak my head in a cold cloth. (laughing)
Listening to this liked lyrical genious loud and soft
jump off a loft landing on a cushion that breaks my fall
The kids at school think I look weird with curly hair
coming outta da brain falling straight over my tears
Picking on this poor person all hours of the day and night
because nocturnal naps let me dream this scary ride
So not only are you bullying me at morning, lunch, and one pm?
You also bother the fuck outta me when I scream in bed (Ahhh!)

Us Shady Kids have fuckn' strong opinions
And it makes us win wit each tongue muscle we spin
It's a sin to judge our skills that haven't been heard
Have somethin' against us? We'll just flip ya da bird!!

Got a headache today from all the beer a had last night
threw up and out came my PMS pills i fuckn' tried
It ain't workn', I'm still writing these fuckn' rhymes
and I your shirt won't work, my tear ducts is all dried.
So, the only way to relieve is writing on this sheet
and it helps to dispense on the internet for people to see
because I like to humiliate every fuck who bothers me
you deserve it you perve, you threw your lunch at me (watch out!)
Scared of my own shadow when I walk down locker rows
Who will jump and jack this girl who hangs wit hoes?
Pink eye, blood shot, swollen, who fuckn' knows?
I ain't gonna tell anyone how I got this broken nose! (Ah! My nose!)

Us Shady Kids have fuckn' strong opinions
And it makes us win wit each tongue muscle we spin
It's a sin to judge our skills that haven't been heard
Have somethin' against us? We'll just flip ya da bird!!

yo man this was good i like your style man..ya Structure was good and ya FLow was consistant SO ya had Good Verses but i feel ya had some lines that where stretched out but nothing you can't fix in ya next piece.....ya vocab was Nice man Not bad ya used it well in ya rhymes...ya Chorus was Nice man ya Used it nicely and It suited the Topic And I wouldn't mind reading more of ya work.........Consider this Upped.....PeacE.....

Thanks, dude. Peace

Aiyo Echo that was dope shit, I especially loved the first verse


ps I'm a white kid tryna be a rapper but not because of eminem but because I got something of my own to say.

HALF-BREED!!!

__________________
I'm gonna get you punch drunk from drinking the punch from the back of the lunch truck and it'd be some dumb luck if I called you a dumb fuck and you lost your footing and fell like you was me...a drunk duck! -Yung Native '03'

mad nice echo.............................................. ..............................you want in my crew? if u do e-mail me and put freeworld uder your signature

__________________
JR.delinquents

young bangers under it my bad .................................................. .................................................. .

__________________
JR.delinquents

good piece. But since it is an emotional track...more complex words are needed. You do establish the basic pont you are trying to make...ur a wider range of vocabulary really makes it sound better so you are more...on-key. Kinda hard to explain.

6.5/10
Keep Elevating.

thanks guys, i appriciate it

Yeah this was alright i thought....structure was pretty good in this piece through out it...could use a touch up in a few spots though but still good overall....flow in this was good, it stayed on through out it, didnt really get off at all.....but overall this was a good piece...keep at it.