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Old 12-29-03, 07:15 PM   #1
Lyrical Dictator
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Posts: n/a
ahhh shit

IP:

i leave harm
like dog bites in arms
with no barks
sending u back like rosa parks
i dont feel the need to speak before i act
i dont got a social contract
like karl marx
fuckin up programs like stalin
and never backin down from crews that are callin
when im brawlin
on the mic
dont be a dyke
chewin up the carpet
actin like you can start shit
it seems like nowadays
the industrys like a wack mc market
come and write a rhyme
2 for 3.99
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Old 12-29-03, 07:23 PM   #2
Menik
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From: Mifflinburg, PA
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You need to leave 3 links or 3 names of people you left feedback to or this will get closed, Thanks.

Well.....all i really need to say is elevate here...but...just work on your stuff like your structure...keep your lines the same length and make the shorter lines longer....add better multies to this and internals...and up your vocab...but keep at it.
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Old 12-29-03, 07:31 PM   #3
Meters
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Posts: 607
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Yeah, i agree with Masta C. Work on your structure definitely, it has to be even. Multis would be a dramatic improvement, Vocab of course, less obvious rhyme choice. If you keep writing you'll definitely get better, good luck elevating.
__________________
tobacco pipe smoker
escobar, your life is over
justify the righteous nova
bullets flew out his right shoulder

Last edited by Meters : 12-29-03 at 07:52 PM.
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Old 12-29-03, 07:39 PM   #4
deuce deuce
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Posts: 34
From: washington court house, oh
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do what they say
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Old 12-29-03, 07:49 PM   #5
A-DueCe-26mad3
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this was an alright spit, but kinda average. Some of the shit u said was played out, and ur vocab was very basic and could use approvement. Also like every1 else said, work on the structure. U should write longer lines then that.

~1~
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