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| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
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12-31-03, 01:22 AM
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#1
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Guest
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(No name yet) Need Feedback:
IP:
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...threadid=102580
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...threadid=102495 http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...threadid=102599 ---------------------------------------------- They label me a lyrically delightful emcee/ Made change like the Bible did when ppl sense me/ These lyrics are made to feel it,leavin you stuck and tipsy/ Pourin these venomous verbs, until my cup is empty/ The game is now refeshed,my power is recognized/ Devour anybody who tests,and get from they breath supply/ Whether I,make it to the top of the charts/ My fire is still burnin wit desire and heat my sparks/ From the streets to the suites/ It’s too hot to hold it/ Imma keep rocking these spots/ Until the glock is reloaded/ My brain spills with fire scriptures// To acknowledge the game// Burning with desire lyrics that’ll re function ya brain// Lay slowly as the evil symptoms are mentally slain// Power points to my record as I Spiritually gain// Evil step up, I’m quick to leave ‘em headless// my Verbs got em trippin as if my words were weapons// …Keep steppin// Im defeatin the streets in a proper method// If I fall apart and stand one-legged,ima keep steppin// |
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12-31-03, 01:39 AM
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#2
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*On Probation*
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IP:
Good piece but very basic.. I could see this goin well with maybe an audio according to its flow.. No real eye opening funny punchs or witty wordplay but you did ur thing nontheless..return the favor dawg.. peace
SOE HOLLA
__________________
Sonz Of Enlightenment  {TRILOGY}
.IpsØ.ƒactØ.
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12-31-03, 01:41 AM
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#3
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Guest
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IP:
thanks man.i just wrote that...my next one will be better
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12-31-03, 01:01 PM
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#4
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Guest
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IP:
anyone else?
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12-31-03, 01:03 PM
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#5
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Free Agent
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IP:
Quote:
^^^ What he said.... Also, some parts of ur verse didn't rhyme...Good effort though.... 2.9/10..... Keep tying them and add some vocab to ur verse....
__________________
B.E.S.T The Comeback ||Sonny Barz! - The Middle Weight 1-2 Punchline Champion||SickHead.||Fly-E||Antonio Banderas|  Mystic (Traitor)
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12-31-03, 02:10 PM
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#6
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Word.
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IP:
Yeah this was alright.....your structure could use some work though, try keeping your lines around the same length so its structured good, and so it helps the flow out in your pieces....try adding some multies to help it out though....but keep at it.
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12-31-03, 03:11 PM
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#7
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Banned: Compromised Account
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IP:
good piece but basic rhyme scheme...needs some work on struct..
i liked it though alright drop..keep em commin
__________________
A.I.
...Gone... |
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12-31-03, 05:06 PM
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#8
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Guest
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IP:
i thought it was pretty needs a lil work a lil more on the ryme scheme and vocab
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01-01-04, 03:15 AM
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#9
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Guest
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IP:
thanks,thanks...im working on it.
2.9/10? hmmmm,was it that bad? Anymore peepz? |
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01-02-04, 01:11 PM
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#10
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Guest
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IP:
bump
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