RapVerse.com Community - A Life Made Up Of Wants

01-01-04, 08:10 PM

rule

..Soft Focus..

Posts: 1,639

From: Ont.

A Life Made Up Of Wants

IP:

Replied to- RT, WP, N-Demik

A Life Made Up Of Wants
From dawn to dusk I awaite my poor parents to slave to give
Me every little material property that makes life easier to live
Pay checks came in every thursday and then vanished quick
There an gone as the past I didn't realise I was selfish 1 bit
Priorities of mine were to obtain a image of toys and candy
I didn't understand the stress I caused for mommy an daddy
Extremly selfish I was but to young to grasp for the right path
So I persued my actions made life fall like sand in the glass
Caused my moms neck to sieze from all the overtime worked
A lump of coal I deserved but my parents didn't want me hurt
Kept giving an giving until there pride was gone in the mist
Finally I got screamed at to not be greedy but I couldn't resist
Infomarcials showin me a blue print to fun claiming friendship
Thus I was a lonely child thought having could loon a tight grip
Broke my parents heart took the arrow out shot from the cupid
Punished me more with flashes in my eyes from being stupid
I was carried away with such greed it evaperated my true life
Departed my family and made my emptiness prevail to strife
No more asking for snowboards, cars and certian type cloths
Praying now that everytime I went to ask for something I froze
Returned favers talked mym mom out of counciling for stress
Told her open her wings to dad and return to the natural nest
I'll behave like a gentlemen behavier to destroy aspects of hell
Wont ask for things so my self esteem comes out of the shell
I'm sorry for leaving you frustrated but this is all I want now
A family a home security to show love that wont break down
I'll impervise for my property in life my familys my propaganda
The only thing that matters....
To me the true property that if I lose it i'll have amnesia
I'll take life for what it is not for what i have or want
Property isn't building blocks it doesnt create happiness
I'm glad I learned something from life and my acomplises
My family the true meaning of what you need to get by
You don't need certian gifts you need family to survive
A life made up of wants created an art of lost and hate
But because of the redirection
The missing pieces of the puzzle were put back in place

__________________
Open Mics
The Weathers Art
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=108673
My Teenage Eyes
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...threadid=104850
Secluded
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...851#post1148851
Open Your Eyes
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...461#post1157461

01-01-04, 09:24 PM

Viscosity

Nigga Ima OG.

Posts: 738

From: Chicago

IP:

what can I say, you elevate more every time.
Your structure seems to stay the same - good.
Flow is good, vocab was pretty decent
And a overall good read..
Nice piece

__________________
OG Status

My people skills are way better then yours, nigga..

01-01-04, 09:28 PM

Katz.Frost

Guest

Posts: n/a

IP:

good peice but i wasnt really feeling the subject. your structure,flow and everthing was good though

01-02-04, 12:27 AM

Flyweight

Posts: 173

From: MTC, MD

IP:

i agree its like u elevate after u drop
nice structure and good flow
8/10

__________________
BEST OF YJ
Holla at cha Boi
Watch Me
Eyez of a Young Nigga

01-02-04, 01:57 PM

Echo

Guest

Posts: n/a

IP:

this was really good. nice topic and everything went together nicely. i think you should work on wordplay even though you had some really good punches in there. just keep working on it.

01-02-04, 06:36 PM

rule

..Soft Focus..

Posts: 1,639

From: Ont.

IP:

thanks for the feed uppen

01-02-04, 06:53 PM

FormulaMC

Light Weight

Posts: 272

From: NdotC

IP:

You Kno, I've Seen Other Drops From You N I Agree. . You Elevated Through Every Drop. . Learnin From Mistakes N Makin The Pieces Better. . This Was Was Very Nice. . Flow Was Off In Certain Places. . Jus Watch Ya Flow And Read Over The Drop Thoroughly Next Time In Case You Need To Take Some Words Out, Etc. . Vocab Was Nice, As Were The Multi's. . Overall. . I Was Mos Def Feelin' This. . Keep Um Comin' Like This Cuz. .

- Return The Favor : Mind Expansion {Keystyle} when it's up -

__________________

INSTANT. .

01-03-04, 02:30 PM

Dev

Posts: 1,512

From: N.E.England

IP:

whats with the same replies..lol....does eveyone jus copy whats been said....any way...i thought this had some nice aspects to it, the flow was good, but it felt like some of the lines were very basic, some blocks of good strong lines then a couple of weak ones, takes away a bit i think from the read.... dont need to take no words out!....so long as you can get the flow, liked the topic..and most of the scheme was good .....quite a good drop...pZ

01-03-04, 03:31 PM

snakeyes

Flyweight

Posts: 143

From: south central l.a

IP:

yo, i feel you dog, life is a trip but you shure know how to exprss it. i like da drop no matter what other replies say.

01-03-04, 03:56 PM

#10

palmetto

Guest

Posts: n/a

IP:

nice song i could hear it in my head. only thing i got is to make a little easyer to read on the com.

01-04-04, 11:42 AM

#11

rule

..Soft Focus..

Posts: 1,639

From: Ont.

IP:

uppen

01-04-04, 11:11 PM

#12

rule

..Soft Focus..

Posts: 1,639

From: Ont.

IP:

Uppen For Some Replies. Leave Links Or What Not And I'll hit Yours Back.

01-05-04, 12:14 AM

#13

Brendan

Guest

Posts: n/a

IP:

This was a good verse with some very true shit. I like the idea and I like the delivery.

Only thing I would suggest is to maybe work on your flow a little bit... it seems a little choppy in parts, at least when I'm rapping it in my head.

01-05-04, 01:11 AM

#14

Wr!te Mind

Guest

Posts: n/a

IP:

Rule-

Property isn't building blocks it doesnt create happiness
I'm glad I learned something from life and my acomplises

Word............

I like your flow, structure was good, but some lines could have been worded better...

I mean, certain words will kill your flow, don't sacrafice the flow for vocabulary....becuase if the words mean the same shit, use what works better not whats bigger.

I'll have a peice up soon, check it out

01-05-04, 09:20 AM

#15

Vitalz

Registered User

Posts: 52

IP:

i thought ya wordflow was tight and ya structure was good......................ive not read ya shit be4 but i look forward to readin more

Thread Tools	Search this Thread
Show Printable Version Email this Page	Search this Thread: Advanced Search
Display Modes
Switch to Linear Mode Hybrid Mode Switch to Threaded Mode