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Old 01-03-04, 03:46 PM   #1
FanTa ZeE
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Demon Who Speaks English

IP:

replied to Angel Eyes, s.R and Deva



Flying round the corner, balanced on two wheels like a bike the lyrical police
persude me not to murder this mic, i'll do what i like
The law never stopped me before so why at this time? you think i give two shits about this petty crime?
Down to battle, they laugh when i'm handed the mic, but soon as i spit they cower in fright
Spray bullets from the tip of my tongue, the guantlet is open, the first line has sprung
From the mouth of a demon, placed here to murk, cook and kill, every disgrace to the place of the Hip Hopping Hill
Thrill of pure skill untouched and untapped by a violent past i'm more addictive than an ecstasy pill
Like Hannibal Lector i'll chew you make it so that i only see you if i stare through my rearveiw


another quick, random 'im bored' drop..so don't hate too much
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Old 01-03-04, 03:53 PM   #2
s.R.
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structure was confusing to me... swerved from topic to topic too much for such a short peice... good vocab, and flow was IIGHT...

6.4/10
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Old 01-03-04, 03:55 PM   #3
FanTa ZeE
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ok..thanks for the feed...
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Old 01-03-04, 04:10 PM   #4
Johnny 6-feet
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umm.....rhyming? first off, this was a little too short, you need to write more to get a better fell for the subject. secondly you need ato pick a specific subject to le t your cretaive side show. you should adds multis and up your vocab as well.
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Old 01-04-04, 08:25 AM   #5
Dev
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yeah this was too short,,,but you seem to write alot of this little drops.... the flow fell after the first line....didnt keep the rhymes going for long enough.... some places were decent and got going a bit...but then the drop ended....need to make em longer i think..add more complexity...but not bad...pZ
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Old 01-04-04, 09:26 AM   #6
C.Quip
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Nothing Really Big In This..It Was A Nice COncept..I Felt It Didn't Flow To Much Though Man..You Should've Added A Bit Of Multies Here And Their ANd It Would've Probably Been Alot Better..None-The-Less It Was A Pretty Tight Drop Man..Keep Doing Yah Thang

Peep This;
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...threadid=103690
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Old 01-05-04, 03:14 AM   #7
Lulong
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feedback

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this was pretty short.. had some good parts but fell off the topic and got me all confused.. and instead of addictin as poppin pills.. i would of put somethin like ola.. fuckin candy kids
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If ya get the chance Drop some Feedback on these drops:<br>
<a href="http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&postid=815041#post815041">I hate bitchs keystyle</a>, <a href="http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=85355">Aint no drug got a hold of me</a>, <a href="http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=88860">No Love</a>, <a href="http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=90057">Rules of the Game</a>, <a href="http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=92570">Dirty Hippie</a>, <a href="http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=92613">R.I.P Crossroads</a>, <a href="http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=92798">Learn about it</a>, <a href="http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&postid=986562#post986562">Valet Parking [keystyle]</a>, <a href="http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=104102">Tribulations</a>.
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<a href="http://www.geocities.com/lulong420/handbook.html">Handbook to all thats fun">

Last edited by Lulong : 01-05-04 at 06:12 AM.
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Old 01-05-04, 03:36 AM   #8
Otherwordz
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I like the title...but there wasn't really a subject to the piece...I caught the flow...but I didn't really see any multiez...and the vocab could use some work...and next time try to lengthen ya piece a bit...like at least 12 linez...and if y'all don't mind can ya hit up my piece called "Guess Who"...
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Old 01-05-04, 04:43 AM   #9
The Necromancer
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Extacy isn't all that addictive from my experience. Tend to use it a few times, but get off of it after all the bad shit becomes too much.

Where was I? Oh yeah... judging by the responses people are a lot different here than they are in poetic scriptures. And your writing style is a lot different too.

You're certainly a lot more harsh. Hm... I can't really say anything that hasn't been said already. Just checking scheiße out.

~Shalom~
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