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| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
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01-07-04, 12:36 PM
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#1
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Flyweight
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Song....plese dont sleep
IP:
(Hook 2X)
But if you beleive you can be anything// You can Act, you can breathe, you can rap, you can sing// A marine, or a Loser but Just be yourself// And scream "Who Gives aF*ck" dont please anyone-Else............... A Pistols Chamber discharges bullets: But behind that trigger is hope// Corruption, Blood,and headlines we see em the most // Every missle we fire, target we hit, We see and we boast // Overseas we see casualties, thats all we see and we joke// And if life is priceless how much do we ow// If their lifes are lifeless, then how can they grow // Then if we lose our own lives and our own people die// then everything resembles sucide, Just hold the needle-to-apply// It's like the war rips our soul so we can stand beside-life// Lucifer has now sent damien to war, The anti-christ// (Hook 3x) But if you beleive you can be anything// You can Act, you can breathe, you can rap, you can sing// A marine, or a Loser but Just be yourself// And scream "Who Gives aF*ck" dont please anyone-Else............... AK's dispurse rounds the blast-of- grenades// Bullets fly Fast from each-way as the burlding crumble like Acidic-rain// I laughed-at-the-plains as they fell and lasted-in-flames// Our world became Drastic-N-Drained with our innocents crafted-in-clay// More unwanted casualties are left// Our missles fly of course to cause corrosion-and-death// protestors beginf war, to change-the-country// Oil was earned by labor and Iol aranged-to-money // Childish tactics get crack-kids to fight and stay-for-nothing// Then we broadcast internationally to display-the-hurt-N-suffering // (Hook 3x) But if you beleive you can be anything// You can Act, you can breathe, you can rap, you can sing// A marine, or a Loser but Just be yourself// And scream "Who Gives aF*ck" dont please anyone-Else............... |
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01-07-04, 12:40 PM
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#2
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Flyweight
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ummm
IP:
Last edited by Avenge : 01-07-04 at 12:43 PM. |
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01-07-04, 04:01 PM
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#3
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Word.
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IP:
This was ok i thought.....your structure could use some work though...try keeping your lines around the same length so its structured good and so it helps the flow out....aslo try adding some more multies to this to make it better....but keep at it.
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01-07-04, 04:52 PM
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#4
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1E
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IP:
thougth this was ok... the flow fell in places, but kept for the most... the vocab tho, and the content xould be imploved and worded better..... but it was still ok.... dont like it when ppl highlight the multis.. looks gay... you need to work on those... jus keep at it.....pZ
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01-07-04, 05:03 PM
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#5
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Guest
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IP:
this was good..structure needs help but everything else as in place...flow a bit off..
good job...7/10 |
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01-07-04, 05:39 PM
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#6
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Banned: Spamming
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IP:
..decent...felt as you went off the track for minute but came back...
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01-08-04, 12:56 AM
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#7
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Flyweight
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IP:
Thanx yall uppin.....
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