We in foolery stare to the skies hoping to see a face beyond/
A face so full of love, forgiveness, a face so wise, a face so fond/
But no answer sworn doth come along, and we are left/
Will he respond? will the creator strengthen this weary bond?/
Will he lift high his magic wand and banish all trace of evil?/
Evil brewed in the depths of hell, safety of the devils cell/
A place where seven sins can swell and flaunt the evil that we smell/
On the saddest day that Heaven fell, breathed torment to the earth/
And from that torment, arose rebirth, of the demons life, for what its worth/
All goodness trapped in a sturdy girth, longing to seep free/
But dawn will break the silence, screaming in our hearts to see/
In a world where envy topped the sea, and lust arode the waves/




stange...different...i know...but try to see past the obviousness of structure, vocab and wordplay..just try to focus on the message..

UPPING...i thought this new rule would mean less replies...

upping to the max....

Nice combination use of worplay in the last bar.....
For the most part, this writing seemed to be more of a poem though.....

U had one stretched bar, but the flow was still maintained in your verse. Also, the last bar didnt seem to rhyme, but I still think ya did good on this piece.


This battle is getting slept on, if ya get a chance could ya drop an honest votes here:

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...ntonio+banderas

__________________
B.E.S.T

The Comeback


||Sonny Barz! - The Middle Weight 1-2 Punchline Champion||SickHead.||Fly-E||Antonio Banderas|


Mystic (Traitor)

thank you for your feedback, i thought this was a mixture of poetry and rhythmn and thats what rap is write..doesn't only come under one heading..LMAO but thanks!

Yeah this was alright here i thought......sturcture was alright in this....flow in this was good i thought, it stayed on through out the whole piece, never really feel off....overall this was alright piece....keep at it.