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| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
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01-09-04, 06:50 AM
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#1
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peace
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The Life of a Pizza Slice
IP:
Marginalized between cutlery. Grieving some purposive meaning Stumped for clues, So I fathom why my Innards should be steaming Because it's the End of the Summer . . And I'm left out in the Cold Standing on the edge of Existence, watching my solitude Overflow Characterized by the Eucharist . . this is my Blood and my Body and I DO know those in my presence, WILL be the Death of Me . . . It's in their Nature . . Why are they at Fault for Cohering? Why Question the inevitable? Especially when it's presently Nearing When greed is evident . . That's when you know Society is Corrupt and my Self-Fulfilling Prophecy Shines on the ones I've Loved . . Or so I thought it did . . I guess I will question that for Eternity But . . Luckily Self-Deprivation barriers Personified Identity As Fulfilment is in my Make-Up. . Which Momentarily shows. . Hey I'm a pizza slice . . . So what the fuck do i Know? I wouldn't try to understand it if I were you . . Thankya Last edited by Loki : 01-09-04 at 06:56 AM. |
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01-09-04, 08:40 AM
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#2
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...
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IP:
=) this was fantastic
the flow was really well put together, the only line where it fell off a bit was : Quote:
I don't like to use pauses at the beginning of lines because it doesn't work too well in terms of reading. I will critique the rest later, as I am in class and now have to work.
__________________
Life isn't a bitch... she's just sick of being personified -Sage Francis |
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01-09-04, 08:51 AM
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#3
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peace
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IP:
True. .
I might do Life of a Pizza Slice Revisited. . but this was just about several things in life that was going on at the time and I ended up over analyzing them. . thanks for the feedback man |
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01-09-04, 09:04 AM
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#4
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-Merk Squad-
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IP:
Haha...this was dope
and i did understand Most of it... i loved the ending.... Wow, to think that pizza slices are intelligent really sketches me out, and the way you questioned it made it believable that, this is what pizza's are going through (There not i'm just trying to show i like it...i dont actually believe pizza's can think....doi...but if they could this is what it would be) Great Stuff... Pz, |
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01-09-04, 09:27 AM
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#5
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peace
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IP:
Cheers aDD
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01-09-04, 10:29 AM
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#6
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Guest
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IP:
heh
quite good...for an englishman dunno about the pizza idiology but the content was good had some depth and meaning which alot of open mics on Rb lack didn't understand it all...and there was no need to as u said nicely typed piece 'When greed is evident . . That's when you know Society is Corrupt and my Self-Fulfilling Prophecy Shines on the ones I've Loved . . ^favorito line props |
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01-10-04, 10:26 AM
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#7
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peace
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IP:
Fankoo FGee
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01-10-04, 10:54 AM
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#8
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Flyweight
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IP:
I really liked your concept and your use of words was great, I agree with the fact that a pizza slice might not be the subject you want to go with, but if thats what you were feelin' I say go for it..I liked how you brought it all together at the end, keep it up man! I look forward to reading more.
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01-10-04, 11:54 AM
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#9
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Half Lyricist/Half King
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IP:
i love that shit it was hot and keep that shit up dawg, and can any of you hit this battle up wit a honest vote
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...threadid=104849
__________________
<a href="http://http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?p=1194274">Se7eN v.s Long Beach Finest</a>  |
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01-10-04, 12:19 PM
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#10
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Guest
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IP:
LoL...You realise this is the first Open Mic I've ever seen you drop
 Thats all the feedback you get  |
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01-10-04, 12:22 PM
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#11
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peace
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IP:
lmao . . at this present moment. . i'm more concerned about what the hell time bandits is about. .
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01-10-04, 12:23 PM
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#12
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Guest
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IP:
LMAOOOOO...It's more complex than me
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01-10-04, 02:57 PM
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#13
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peace
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IP:
Wally was the bestest Midget
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01-11-04, 05:45 PM
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#14
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- Termz, the.
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IP:
word- piece was ill mef. loved the content, whole thing was good.
i agree with mav' on the fall off, but yeah - dope. |
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