Thoughts racing, Battles of others throwing jeers
Fear of Losing, But he just wants to lose the fear
The time has come, puts the mic to his mouth,now
How all his thoughts jumbled, now organized sound
He speaks his word, to the rhythm, Loops and bass
All coming at once, says the best thing, then erased
His time is done, the crowd seems to have chosen
They are going wild, And the Host is approaching
To award the other man his award, He has rightly won
The battle is over, walked away in shame to his home
Inking his thoughts on trees, when loops come on
He is focused, alone, in the cold, and his fire sparked
Ideas written to be memorized, recital just to start
The Night was Just right he fixed his words from fights
He speaks steadily, revealing rhythm of His Open Mic
Thoughts relating to what happened earlier that day
Confusion and Nervous Energy all in That single Fray
He recites with more feeling, The crowd listens close
He can't miss a step, For his feet are implanted in earth
Finally his words ended, the Crowd stands to the ovation
Fuck slayin, The topics of his words are forever stayin
He's prayin...on the way home to discover this Gift...
He arrived, and he got out paper...And He has wrote this.

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Only God can judge me, Who THE FUCK IS YOU?!

started out hot cause I felt like I was him but then I lost the rhyme scheme toward the middle but you picked up during the end and made it seem like thats the way you planned it so it was dope.

7/10

Thanks for that dukes...

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Only God can judge me, Who THE FUCK IS YOU?!

Fear of Losing, But he just wants to lose the fear

ill concept for that line i liked it...intelligient...

They are going wild, And the Host is approaching
To award the other man his award, He has rightly won

was decent but kinda lost the flow an main problem is the home bit after this doesnt rhyme..

He can't miss a step, For his feet are implanted in earth

ill again...but i cant find where the rhyme for this was..

overall nice..structured well...the multi's werent there that i like reading but this was decent...content was good for the limitations it had not being a punch piece or much of a topical...but the problem was the 2 words that didnt contain rhymes...its ok in audio sometimes but on text rarely works...

nice drop...drop some feedback on my piece please..

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...threadid=105566

Word SkiddZ....you got me....
"He arrived, and he got out paper...And He has wrote this."

lol....nicely dropped....short..sweet..nice vocab..good flow...structured well..some of the words I had trouble rhyming...but it was ok..I could get passed it....you presented your image well and thats what counts...so props for the piece my good friend SkiddZ...

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Soft Focus
Suicide Inc.
RhymeVantage
Def.Ill
Ghost-Writers

Retarded people's heads are to big..I'll be back with something just as funny as watching the Special Olympics..don't worry..

Thanky

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Only God can judge me, Who THE FUCK IS YOU?!

..Whoa..I think this might be the first time I'm leaving a feedback on your post...maybe the first time reading your post..I missed out...this was very nice..well structure..good content..nice vocab..good flow..just very nice,...peace..

Thanks...

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Only God can judge me, Who THE FUCK IS YOU?!

stop sleeping, you fucks!!!!

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Only God can judge me, Who THE FUCK IS YOU?!

FUCK YOU SLEEPING BASTARDS!!!!!!!

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Only God can judge me, Who THE FUCK IS YOU?!

it was nice I liked the style and structure but u lost the scheme like the one guy said toward the end of the peice I rate this a 6/10

it was nice, please drop a feedback on this battle and drop a honest vote on it, cause it is getting slept on
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...threadid=104849

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<a href="http://http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?p=1194274">Se7eN v.s Long Beach Finest</a>

ahh..damn..I dont want to seem like I'm hating or anything..but I wasnt feeling this peice..sorry..reasons..I dont really know..but some of the words not rhyming..but it's not just that..I just dont like it..

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R.I.P. Bodie

My man... I owe you this because youv looked at my pieces. This was a nice approach on the topic (even throug i did it already..lol) The flow was good, but the rhyme scheme was still rather simple. Get some internal rhyming, and if you expand your vocab just a few notches you should definetly see the potentian your writing has. Like i said i did a piece with this same topic. I think it was named "the last mile" or "the extra mile"

ill get you a link

good job kid

*edit*
link

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=87393

Thanks for the replies, and btw, that was a good verse T.R..
For the most part, I keystyled this as I went.. I felt comfortable doing this, So I might whip one out today and try to incorporate some things to help out the flow.

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Only God can judge me, Who THE FUCK IS YOU?!

Up!

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Only God can judge me, Who THE FUCK IS YOU?!