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| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
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| AYO SHIT IS FIYUH! |
  
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| Well.. you could work on it a lil more |
  
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01-16-04, 08:37 AM
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#1
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New to RB
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Keystyle! Yeuh!
IP:
Feedback is appreciated yall..
I’ve got red-hot chilly peppers, putting FIYUH between buns Your tongue is roasted, before you even take a bite of one Lyrically cold, it’s freezing below zero degrees I’d thaw you out way before you started to freeze My punch lines are hard hittin Got the heatstroke, still you sweatin I didn’t even touch you Your nose begins bleedin Tryin to fry me under the sun As wrecked ships in the sky fly by No pigeon could swallow me I’m the worm that eats sodium chloride Stabbin me is only putting lungs in a bind For my mind and internals are full of carbon monoxide I’m so coo wit it, no other emcee fire able to melt my ice I stay rippin paper! With yours and 3 other different styles Lyrical miles in a file line works faster than Tums These words speak loud! That they popeye eardrums I fried the competition, when it’s time for war I’m so fuckin sick wit it Mofuccaz get sent to a hospital and I was rushed! To the nearest clinic
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Feedback/Poll votes would be appreciated: http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=112155 -vs- Ghetto Mike http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=106567 -vs- Lokeye  // + rEcoRd + \\ cHaLkEd uP: 2 DeMoLiShEd bY: 0 // + kO's + \\: 1 // + tKo's + \\: 1 |
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01-16-04, 01:33 PM
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#2
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Guest
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IP:
you need to make your lines similar lengths to help the flow of the piece, picking a secific topic also helps towards making a piece readable, you had some good imagery, but the vocab and multis were lacking here.
keep elavating. |
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01-16-04, 03:15 PM
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#3
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Banned: Spamming
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IP:
well..you could use a little more work..actually alot of work!!!!
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01-16-04, 07:33 PM
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#4
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New to RB
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IP:
ayo! thanks for the feedback . . but can't believe yall aint gettin my metaphors! which just ruins the whole thang . . if yall were to take the time to think about each bar . . it'd be so much better! get at me! blah! i'm outtie! uppin!
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Feedback/Poll votes would be appreciated: http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=112155 -vs- Ghetto Mike http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=106567 -vs- Lokeye // + rEcoRd + \\ cHaLkEd uP: 2 DeMoLiShEd bY: 0 // + kO's + \\: 1 // + tKo's + \\: 1 |
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