My open Mics have been stuck in a gloomy sepulchral mood recently..time to liven shit up

this is a keystyle straight up..

Im still in my youth, struggling to rise above peers,
still got shit to prove, yet to face many fears,
So i was sittin up in my room, comtemplating mischevious acts
Then i felt the boom, accelerating my cardiac
The music poured profusely, permeating my being
The pulpit formed around me...and i was preaching this evening
Testify...I was the preacher, the world was my congregation
sanitize, make me a new creature cleanse my soul of the impurities of this nation
Tonight i would find my dutch, my bitch to fuck and feel no love
Thanks Nas, for carrying The Cross while i Tango with the Devil
and the bitch was pumpin like a thug...devil in a jersey dress an Kangol
her crimson eyes, only enhanced the trance brought me to a 90 degree angle
i couldn't fight the dance, pullin us closer than bodies were able
My soul left my body in the middle of the party
floated somewhere over amsterdam
inhaled the fumes and returned in the hotel lobby
my shell of a body leaving a dangeours encounter
on more ecsatcy than Ja at the salon counter
stumbled back to my room, fumbled with the keys
bumbled onto my bed, crumbled in the sheets
took an asprin, watied for the throbbing to subside
At least i lived once, even if i died tonight

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<center>HemiSphere
The Write Side Of Your Mind</center>

really liked that, especially the first verse,
really good use of vocab, ok flow, ok struckture and really good topic.

check my battle and drop an honest vote,peace
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=108195

thanks for the critique, i do agree that the flow was lacking...like i said straight up keystyle, no real thought

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<center>HemiSphere
The Write Side Of Your Mind</center>

can we still up stuff

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<center>HemiSphere
The Write Side Of Your Mind</center>

I really like this flow, the topic was a really good choice, I felt it the whole time, felt like you put yourself into which I think lots of people are lacking in. The flow could have been better, but like you said it was a keystyle so over all I thought it was really good.

it was more like a poem but a good one if i had a beat i would rate this higher i give it a 6 outta ten flow a lil week