Don't Make me Shake this Baby,
God knows I know what that could do,
Quit Yellin' Ma, always make me feel responsible,
I hate you. Leavin here while the blood is dryin',
It's understood we dyin', eye's alive enticed by Zion,
So please help, god knows he gonna lead us,
Shot Down or a Clown, seem be all our leaders,
So excuse the preacher, So believe the Lier,
I gotta vibe that despise those that drug supply us,
and the guns too, we ain't own no ships,
we got no planes and still the hood stay insane,
I can't walk the strip, I can't close my eyes,
I can't hold my hip, I'm runnin out of time,
God I wanna die, Lord, please accept me,
Cause I'm feelin' lost with no one here to direct me,
No female will select me, No money comes my way,
I'm feelin like a child, I'm almost twenty three,
I need a change in life, I ain't never loved,
I'm headed down below, My head is up above.......

ya rhyming and scheme needs work, ya need to carry things further, yours stopped and started... not very smooth.... the rhyming was basic... use some more expansive vocab n put more thought into it... so it creates a better feel....... return the favour...