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Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio ![]() |
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-Real Time-
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Lonely Knight ( The Original)
IP:
.....Theory.....
So Many People In This World Fighting For Soul, Health, And Life... Some Disagnosed With Diseases, Been Slashed With A Metaphorical Knife... Children Recently Born, Don't Deserve To Be Defected Or Disabled... When They Grow, Will have No Friends, And Will Always Be 'Labelled'... People are People.No Real Differences Between Them In Soul or Spirit... Try To Explain This To Young Children But they Just Wont 'Hear-It'... .....The Life Of Strife..... He's A Soldier... May Have Born 3 Weeks Early, And 5 Pounds Too Light... But He Was The Strongest Person I Knew, No Sign Of Fear or Fright... His Parents Love him too Much , Baby Him, He Can't Explore The World... It's Time For Them To Release Him, All Of His Thoughts Are Now Unfurled... Went To School, But Was Always Picked On, Just Because He Talked Differently... He Is The Smartest In The Class, Couldnt Get Any Recognition, Incidentally... His Best Friend, Was Full Of Love, Energy, Could Listen, But Never Speak... For His best Friend, Was Not A Human , It Was His Kitten That He Named 'Sneak'... Throughout His Life, Has been Called Many Things, His Heart Is Strong... For He Does Not Care What They Say, Because He Knows They Are All Wrong... .....The Night..... Then One Hellish Night...His 'Friends' Thought It Would Be a Funny Thing To Do... His Parents had Warned him, But He Did Not Beleive, Thought His Friends Were True... Because He Was Different, They Took Him To The Lot With Cruel Intentions... He Thought They Had Accepted Him, But It Was Just a Un-Mentioned Dimension... They Doused Him In Gasoline And Lit Him On Fire, He Was Left Burnt And Charred... And Why Did This All Happen? Because He Was Different , as They Say a 'Retard'... .....The After-Math..... In The Hospital, Covered In Bandages, Tubes In And Out, Now On Life Support... He Was Tired, And Weary, but Didnt Stop Fighting, Life Is His Last Resort... He Had Forgiven The Guys For What They Did To Him, He Would never Fail... Blind From The Intense Heat, Started a New Task Of Learning to Read Braille... He's One Of The Strongest People You Will Ever Meet, Never Giving Up... Never Going To Die In Heart, Not Below The Doctors Standards ,Always Living Up... .......The Sorrow....... Then One Shaky Morning To Nurse Came In To See That He had Lost His Fight... As He Now Travelled Up To Heaven , As A 'Lonely Knight'... |
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1E
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IP:
the first verse set the scene nicely, really got the point across but in few words, liked that... in the whole drop i liked the perspective you were writing from... and ya really told it well... incorperating some nice imagery to paint the picture, a vivid story.... well written, though thought in a couple of places the flow felt a bit choppy, other than that,, tight.... return plz
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Guest
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IP:
i think you cats here should use tighter rhyme schemes..........its a good drop............but ur rhyme scheme is way basic.....kinda makes it dull................use some multis n shit 2 spice it up meng
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-Real Time-
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IP:
^ I Wrote This Over 6 Months Ago.
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De M-O-D Bruk
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IP:
this is by far the best piece to ever hit open mic..EVER!
It should be back in legends. Without a doubt..
__________________
It's Gunna Be Some Stuff You Gon' See, That's Gunna Make It Hard To Smile In Da Future...
-Pac Shakur Acro Nim The Initial,Period I Speak Out Battles Pink Slips 007 Pt. 2 Fuck Bruklor aka Self.
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Fuck You, I Rhyme Better
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IP:
legend then, legend now
But yea, the ending took it for me...you style has FLIPPED ohhhhh so very much since then but this is still great check my piece out, Hidden Underneath |
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Flyweight
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IP:
Damn yo good job original topic, consistent flow, vocab was pretty good nice progression of ideas excellent story telling...7/10
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![]() <table style=filter:GLOW(color=white)>~The Lyrical Evaluator~</table>
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Middle Weight
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IP:
yeah thi is heaps old why is it posted up
this was against me in the old topical league topic was "lonely knight"
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Soft focus Whats the point of living? The voices in my head Feat. Rule Unlikely Alias More Comming soon! |
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-Real Time-
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IP:
Up.
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