First open mic I've done, I don't expect much, but throw me some feedback.


Im just sitting here, listening to depressing tracks
Sitting in the dark, rubbing the scars on my back
Questioning my life and my decisions
Im beginning to think I just need to give in
Im out of money, but full of ideas
Harvest my brain, shits filled to the brim
Minds causing me great pain
Wheels never stop turnin
I cant sleep, and my eyes are burnin
I stay up all nights, pondering everything
Shit I've done, the way a man looks when hes hanged
The shit I've seen, priests unclean
The shit I've heard, unexplainable words
Drug induced slurs, and muffled screams
I'm actually screaming now, no one can hear me
I've seen a lot of stuff, but lately is the worst
I'm dying for a chance, have been since birth
But I'm stuck with dead end jobs, no social life
I've got 4 friends, all of them 29
Kinda wierd, considering I'm dying at 30
Thats one year difference, between now and then
Hell, I could pass early, be gone tomorrow man
2 and 2 plus 1, is 5 fingers to break
5 fingers, all you need to make a handshake
With the handshake, the deal is done
And after a couple drinks, my death will pass over everyone

These mental walls are closing in
Please everyone, forgive my sins
I've lost the will to win
Outside of Steele, inside of tin
Soon, I will give in
Sippin rophyonol and gin
Don't give me a break, I'm already shattered
Physically Tattered, mentally battered
Who cares? Nothing matters


Pain is in my eyes, along with reflections
I listen to rap music, with a pale complexion
I guess I should of made writing, a profession
Id end up back with pyschologist sessions
Making money off my trifes, and others pain
I can't talk about life, theres no blood in these viens
I make people laugh, I made one cry
I've lived, I love, it's time to die..

not bad for ya first post, ya need to work on vocab and wordplay, you've pretty much got the flow down, but it can still improve. not bad tho, keep it up!!

truth be told this was aight i mean there really wasn't a topic but the flow made up for that. like the man above me said you need to jump up your vocab and a little bit on the punchlines but other than that this was a nice read keep doin ya thing

odd gives it
2.5 mics of 5

__________________
shut the fuck up

even if i stutter i'll still sh-sh-shit on you/ pun

dead in middle of little of little italy
little did we know that we riddle
some middle man who didn't do ditally/ pun

Yeah this was alright here.....the structure in this was alright, it could have been touched up a bit i thought in a few places though.....the flow in this was alright, it flowed through out the piece.....probably could use some more multies in this though...but keep at it.