aiyo i need direction , i need to see more
people try to help , but yet i still ignore
throw out they hand , and i give them my grief
leave people feelin , as worst as me
but see iam tryin , tryin to lose the anguish
use my heart and soul , and hope i vanquish
the torment and pain that burns inside
try to keep my fam out , but yet they still calid
seein me hurt , jus moves the curse
it moves to each one , like the flow of my verse
maybe one day , i'll defeat the thing
that keeps me chained , like iam not a human being
so untile then , you'll feel my hate
in every letter i type and every word i create
in every key i touch , in every space i make
i'll still see the dark untile i lose this weight

an aight peice...flow was aight...
a little short...but a OK peice nonetheless...

keep spittin and elevatin...

please somebody hit me back on this

this was weak...your content was wack..your flow seemed forced..your vocab was wack...your scheme was garbage...good~bye~~~

This piece was alright. Just average though but keep postin an elevate

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look penskills , i jus stated this shit and it really seems that u got a problem wit me. if you do say so mothafuka

come on now... It wasn't wack... it was nothin special... but to call it wack and not give too much reasons for it... thas goin abit far.... lol...
it's ok, it was too short, the flow was cool, there wasn't that much wordplay or anything...stronger vocab could have helped, concept was aight, see you could have made it longer to get more into it, to elaborate and shit...
you say your new right? so just keep dropping more, and take want you can from criticism... -1-

I agree with Alias this was ok....structure was decent....the flow was ok, it was off sometimes but it was there....you put some feelings into it i thought....could have been longer though...the content in this was ok.....try upping your vocab though...and keep at it man.

I think it was a little basic. It wasn't complete garbage, but you do have room for elivation, as all of us do. Keep doing it. I'll be watching for your next drop.

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http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=111511