Lotta niggaz ask me wut wrong cuz I’m stressed but frontin
I was blessed wit sumptin
Next to nuthin, so everywhere I go I bring tha vest n pump in
So niggaz hop off my dick, stop holdin me n my mans back
I done scrapped in tha gutter, ashy knuckles n hands black
I gain knowledge from every step I take to fame
But tha violence n weed kept my fate the same
I can feel it in my gut, never been this sicker before
Homies gone, n we runnin outta liquor to pour
I see music as an outlet, to just let a emotion go
But I can feel the end nearin and closin slow
So I grip my steel till I clutch my heart
Jot a few rhymes down as I break the dutch apart
It don't matter if you rockin tha booth
Society is blockin tha truth
Tell us reach for tha stars, but make us stop at tha roof
I depend on no one and walk as tha hated
Perfectin my skill, and don't gotta talk educated
This one is for dem niggaz that lived tha struggle
And stood up like a man when they was given trouble

Let me get sum feed back on my shit holla at cha boi
~One~

__________________
~Jerzey~
As I'm Blessed with
Tha best gift

~One~

Holla at cha boi

Pretty nice, liked your "sicker before" and "liquor to pour" lines particularly. One thing, the difference in line length in some places throws the flow off. Like your "rockin tha booth" and "blockin tha truth" rhyme. Maybe it sounds different when you spit it but from the text it just sounds odd.

Damn ......
That was some NICE shit.....

Good points:
Multies, punches(metas), flow, structure,


Criticism:
(Some want it to look neat in text form, others REALLY mean work on your structure)
2 things
1. if the flow goes with the beat DOPE let it slide... that's original
(don't let it slide too much)
2.You might find "fixing structure" in text makes it expand too
(so don't over look it either)

Work on the voab, (as ALWAYS FOR ANY EMCEE)

OVERALL
I lthought it was ill ....
keep doing it ..

JamesJr.

__________________
undefined
Love for all real lyricists and poets
~~~~~~~~
Open Mics
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=112397
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=111729

2nd Battle NEEDS 4
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=111647
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=110858