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| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
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02-04-04, 12:03 PM
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#1
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Guest
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The Photographer
IP:
Images reflected.. Pictures taken through the camera lens
Distance is put between himself... ... And all his family and friends The camera clicks.. While his life hangs in the balance Standing in the shadow of death... ... Only wanting to display his talents This lonely man.. Taking pictures of any natural disaster Not phased.. As the art of the camera... ... Is what he wants to master Standing in the mist.. Rubble and dust are what surrounds Stench of death in the air... ... And people screaming is the sound He is a stoneman.. Cast in rock and feels no emotion Couldnt help if he wanted to... ... Taking pictures is his only devotion Camera in hand.. For he would feel naked without it Taking pictures as proof... ... So nobody could ever doubt it Intoxicating.. The fumes of the liquid to develop the pictures A picture paint a thousand words... ... So these would be classed as scriptures A red glow is cast.. Shady lamps flicker as the man stands alone Memories as sharp as reality... ... Even though he is home Escaped the torment.. The disruption of a corrupted place Pictures begin to form... ... Each one developing a twisted face Slowy spreading.. Filling out.. Expanding like wild fire Hung out on the line... ... So that they become drier Masses of scenes.. Each one peotic in the way it tells its tale Nothing held back in the pictures... ... Each one showing vivid detail Found his talent.. Capturing specific moments in time Inspired by the pictures... ... The beauty of each was sublime |
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02-04-04, 12:08 PM
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#2
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Banned: Spamming
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IP:
Hmm..this was very nice..great imagery..and your opening was very strong,and your strucure made it very easy to follow..your content was different..which is always good(almost always)..you're gonna be a dope OM head one day...(LIke Me..LOL)....
~read my shit~~~~~I'm Dope~~~~~~~~peace...good job~~~ |
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02-04-04, 12:19 PM
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#3
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Banned
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IP:
^werd free man keep droping comeing along nicely......i want to collab with you soon(if we havn't already).................lmfa.nice flow and a good structure good unusual topic....damn you write fast........
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02-04-04, 12:31 PM
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#4
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New to RB
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IP:
dope ass piece, nice immagery that was spot on, vocab was ok, the opening was ill as fuck like pen sed, flowed nicely no structure problems, a pretty much flawless piece!!!
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02-04-04, 12:35 PM
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#5
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Eddy.
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IP:
^Alias.. u shud know, that is not a decent reply..
__________________
Fuck you |
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02-04-04, 12:38 PM
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#6
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Guest
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IP:
Thanks for all the feedback...
Am a going to get a reply off Edicius then? Uppin for no reason... lol... Pz... |
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02-04-04, 01:37 PM
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#7
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Veteran
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IP:
Uh...
This could fit in nicely with mine and Speek's topic in SS this week... Photography. You'd have covered it nicely. Not as nicely as me...(har dee har!) But this was tight... Sounds like ya cat was in NY, 9/11... Real nice imagery, good flow... Nice format ya got there... You experimenting? Cuz I never quite seen one like it. There's nothing really negative I can say about this... Really nice work. The topic didn't blow me away or leave me like, "woah"! But, real good work. Peace
__________________
Merkings will occur Monday thru Friday, 8 am thru 5 pm, C.S.T. For my convenience, not yours! |
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02-04-04, 01:46 PM
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#8
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Guest
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IP:
Quote:
Dont bite me then... Lol... And yours is gona be better than mine... Im only new... Quote:
Yea... He was there... Quote:
Its just my style... It works... A like it... Makes the verse look pretty... lol... Thanks for the feedback man... Much appreciated... Pz... |
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02-04-04, 02:21 PM
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#9
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Guest
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IP:
ye this waz ill its gd to c a different type of structure rapbattles waz boring till u droped this
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02-04-04, 06:38 PM
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#10
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Light Weight
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IP:
Nice Topic. . Imagery Was Great. . Flow Was Consistent. . I Like The Way You Structure Your Pieces. . Content Was Pretty Original, I've Seen A Few Pieces Like This. . And Damn. . I've Ran Out Of Things To Say. . Good Piece Man. . Keep Droppin. . Pz.
__________________
 INSTANT. . |
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02-04-04, 07:14 PM
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#11
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New to RB
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IP:
This one was even better then the other one i read by u. pretty much same style as the other one but i loved that one so i love this one too! *lol* keep em comin.
__________________
Formally known as *Shortay420* A smile can turn the grayness blue A smile can say I love you too A smile can melt any young girls' heart Then how come your smile still tears me apart? A wise man once said,"I don't know go ask a woman!" If at first you don't succeed, cheat, repeat until caught, and then lie! 
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02-04-04, 07:51 PM
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#12
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Word.
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IP:
Yeah i agree this was a nice piece here...structure in this was good i thought.....the flow in it was nice, it stayed on through the whole piece, pretty smooth overall....it had nice imagery, pretty nice, i liked it....the vocab was good in this....i liked the content, very nice there.....overall a nice piece....keep at it man.
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02-05-04, 04:59 AM
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#13
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Banned: Spamming
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IP:
Tight as a virgin, kid. great imaginary peice. flow was ok but not the best but i have a feeling flow aint what you were going for.6/10 style, like i sed before i really like. its different. 9/10 vocab was great and used it well. 8/10 topic, this is what is the best part for me, ya had a topic in mind and wrote it beutifully in text, great stuff. 9 1/2 out of 10. The piece was deep man.
overall, Another good piece by you .:freeman:. keep up the open mics coz their a joy to read. 32 1/2 out of 40 |
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02-05-04, 07:56 AM
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#14
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..Soft Focus..
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IP:
this was a dope piece...you had a good concept and a lot of quotables i thought some very detailed imagry a well based topic for sure....i liked the structure it fit nicely with the flow...keep it up man this was really good
__________________
Open Mics The Weathers Art http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=108673 My Teenage Eyes http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...threadid=104850 Secluded http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...851#post1148851 Open Your Eyes http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...461#post1157461 |
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02-05-04, 10:37 AM
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#15
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Guest
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IP:
first piece i've seen of yours
i'm impressed flowed really smoothly and u still managed to pack in good detail imagery and emotion into it all 'Intoxicating.. The fumes of the liquid to develop the pictures A picture paint a thousand words... ... So these would be classed as scriptures ^favorite lines there but u had a whole verse of solid lines.. good originality as well really good shit |
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