In all honesty i admit at first my feelings were strong,
But my perception of this player proved my heart to be wrong,
It didn't last long, thirty minutes of lust, another name to his list,
Can't credit my look of disgust, from the moment we kissed,
Lips locked in passion, my sanity stole away, in a criminal fashion,
Mind blastin tears from the bed where we lay, said he'd come back,
I prayed that he'd call the next day, come sweep me away,
From the hatred and lies, jealousy woes, ain't it funny, time flies?
Now his kindness is gone, vanished like the wind, and all thats left is a baby,
To prove the moment we sinned, my mind still blames him!
For the hurt that we caused, a trip to the clinic, my mentality scarred,
Another life lost, snatched away from the world, and all down to me,
Never given the chance to unfurl, to spread their legs to the world,
Breathe in every chance that hope is a memory, slowly fading from glance,
Endless tears eat at my soul, dignity dying, to a deep, darker hole,
No love for the man, that stole my faith from my heart, left me a baby,
In his untimely depart, another piece fell from my bieng, left shattered
And bare, now the space that lies empty, a flame no longer burns there...

pleez sum feedback...

i'm not feeling well... help me out

12 views no feedback..i'm beginning to think i'm unloved...LMAO

oh well, wouldn't be the first time.

1 reply?

pleez help me out here, i aint well....

U aint unloved at least not by me, even though I don't know you heh...This wasn't bad but Id say it would do better in the poetry section, I mean this topic is way overdone (if you spittin about real shit thats aite thou), the structure was alright although the flow wasnt always good, throw in some multis to elaborate your piece and try to elevate your vocab a lil 6/10

__________________

thank you Jesus...well, Holmes Jr..i owe you i guess!

love nd luck

sure thing bruva...

love y'all......

keep replying... and i don't do poetry no more..

This was ill. I love the emotion that you show in this. The flow is great. Very easy read. Very enjoyable read as well.

"thirty minutes of lust"-Holla at me, ma. I got stamina

But in al seriousness, this was an ill drop

"Breathe in every chance that hope is a memory, slowly fading from glance,
Endless tears eat at my soul, dignity dying, to a deep, darker hole,"-the illest part. I love the feeling in these lines.

I don't know why people are sleeping, but nice shit. Keep up the good work.

Please drop feed in one of the links in my sig.

This was a nice piece........i felt the emotion through out........i love when music has that characteristic........your really good dont let anyone tell you otherwise.........an if you get a chance hit my latest OM
I Bought Her Flowers Today
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...t=111616&page=1