yo cops hated on the industry found ways to offend me/
good license but the law always found ways to suspend me/
on the run from innocent crimes that i made/
tried climbing out but found myself digging deeper my grave/
kept the tent on my glass the judge steady screaming behave/
still playin wit weeds and rock like i was born in a cave/
this rap shit knowledge me an polished me shining like brass knuckles/
still know i'm hard but spit lyrics sweeter than honeysuckles/
and niggaz gon start fearing me like the return of the father/
as i end ya career as the life an times of sean carter/
better have a lot of protection or dissapper when i pull that switch back/
let off slugs the size of light bulbs straight through ya throwback/
nothingless this open mic is all about me/
as i get this site discovered like white girls wit double D's/
I spit words to kill sounds of death u never heard of/
and I'm bout to be put on trial for words of attempted murder/

Let me Know if I gotta deal coming

It had good structure,(might wanna take those ugly // of the end of eachline)
good multies, (try to make em bigger more relating,)
decent vocab (work on it)
good flow (you could lengthen em)
Always elevate

I ALWAYS read alot , it HELPS!!

JamesJr.


I dunno if you're gonna get a deal
(yet atleast)

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Love for all real lyricists and poets
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Open Mics
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=112397
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=111729

2nd Battle NEEDS 4
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=111647
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=110858

nice. flowed pretty evenly. structure could use sum work. vocab was decent.
not much meaning but it was a good read. there were a few multies in there.
but overall. pretty nice work. keep at it.

hit mines up wen i post it. thanx

peace

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<center>"There Will Always Be Someone Better Than You...<center></center>...As Long As I Exist"</center>

This was ok.....structure could be fixed up a bit, and like James said get rid of the / at the end of your lines, no need for them.....content was ok, could have been better i thought....had some ok multies in the begining...try adding some more through out the piece though....but keep at it man.